The Five People That Are in Your Fantasy League!

This is the sister article to the 5 people that are in your Draft that you can find here. Unlike the draft, which is one event, the league itself is what you have to live with for the next 17 weeks. It is the collection of people that you play against every week. However, there are certainly archetypes in your league too. Here are 5 that will always be in there:

1. Message Board Guy – This guy constantly blows up the message boards with pointless shit. He often types in all caps to get his point across on how he made such a good move benching Toby Gerhart to start Adrian Peterson back in week 15 last year. He will make sure that everyone knows he is here to crush you and that your pick up of a new tight end was stupid. And most importantly, he wants you to know that he will win the championship this year. This guy is usually “the jerk” from the draft and is almost never “the stat geek”. Even if he doesn’t win the league this year, he will make sure you know that he hooks up with more chicks than you at the bar.

2. Waiver Wire Guy – This guy is constantly playing the waiver wire. Anyone that get’s hurt on Sunday, he knows about it and has already put in a claim for that plays back up. If Matt Schaub goes down in week 1, you better believe TJ Yates will be on WWG’s team the following Tuesday. Do you even know who Darren McFadden’s back up is this year? You freakin better! Because WWG already does and Tiwan Smith is already on his watch list. WWG is pretty much an extension of the Stat Geek from the draft. He is the guy that will finish with 149 transactions at the end of the year and you will only have 15.

3. Sore Loser Guy – This is the guy that has the best team ever. His team can’t lose. He has all the stars! Except somehow this dude is 2-10 and in the basement of the league with no hope of ever making the big dance. He is shocked because he has all the good players, but he just played people at their best week. Everyone had the high week against him, there was nothing he could do.  Whatever, in his other league he is doing just fine. If this league was like his other league, he would be in first place. Plus, it doesn’t even matter because fantasy sports are stupid anyway and it’s all about the real thing. The Brown’s have a real chance this year and that is really all that matters to Sore Loser Guy anyway.

(Note: I was personally the Sore Loser Guy of my baseball league last year. I at least have the numbers to prove that I was incredibly unlucky with who I played. Five teams had their best week of the year when they played me and I played against the high week 8 times. Sore Loser Guy is the type of guy that makes a spreadsheet and crunches numbers to show how unlucky he was…)

4. Give Up Guy – This dude is a little different than Sore Loser Guy. This dude either stopped paying attention or lost the first three weeks and decided that this was no longer worth his time. This is the dude that still has Matt Leinart starting for no reason. He also dropped his studs or traded them away in lopsided trades to his buddy (True Example: Back in 2003, at the height of Priest Holmes fantasy relevance, a friend of mine had Michael Vick [also the top of his fantasy career] and Holmes. Vick got hurt and was going to be out for 2 games. My friend either panicked or was just an idiot and traded Priest Holmes [Probably the fourth greatest fantasy player EVER] for the Carolina Panther’s QB at the time to fill in for Vick for 2 games…do you know who that QB was?! No? You don’t? Well let me tell, you…it was RODNEY PEETE. YEA! That frickin’ guy.) Anyway, Give Up Guy is the dude you want to play when you need a win to clinch a play off birth, but he is also the first guy the person you are battling for that last spot with calls up to make sure he sets his lineup. Then Give Up Guy, after providing free wins for everyone else, finally benches Titus Young and starts Roddy White and you end up losing.

Rodney Peete

5. Bad Trade Guy – This is the most annoying guy. This is the guy that will offer you four back ups for your first round pick. “Bro, how about I give you Anquan Boldin, Issac Redmond, Ben Tate, and I will throw in Seattle Defense for Drew Brees and Andre Johnson? Sound good?” Listen, If you are going to offer a trade, make sure it is at least somewhat legit. If you are offering 5 players to someone for only one or two players, it probably isn’t a good trade. I am sorry but I am not giving you Calvin Johnson for three scrub receivers that equal Calvin Johnson. This guy is the worst guy to ever offer a trade to as well. Oh, he has Drew Brees last year and also got Cam Newton, and he doesn’t have a good WR…Perfect, I will offer you Hakeem Knicks for Cam Newton. That seems like a Win-Win given the scenario. You promptly get a “counter offer” with “Matt Flynn for Hakeem Knicks” . This is the type of shit that makes you slam your keyboard on the desk. You almost have to take a picture of the trade offered just to prove that it happened. Because see, BTG HAS to win the trade by a land slide. He has to rip you off in the trade. He was that guy in sixth grade that tried to trade you a Pikachu card for your Charizard. The worst part, and perhaps the saddest part, is that Bad Trade Guy doesn’t know that he is actually Bad Trade Guy most of the time. In his mind, Javon Ringer and Devon Bess actually do equal Lesean McCoy. Thank goodness that BTG usually gets a reputation early and people no longer deal with him.

That Charizard card that BTG wanted so bad back in 6th grade.

Thank you for reading! What are some other people that are in your league? Enjoy the Fantasy Football season!

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3 Comments

  1. I’m glad you called yourself out, I was all ready to post “you are the Sore loser guy” and especally reference 2011 Baseball league.

    Reply
  2. My life is being the sore loser guy after I have the second most points in the league, only to lose to the guy with the most points. ALL. THE. TIME.

    Reply
  1. Are You One of These Guys? - The Daily Upper Decker

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