Top 5 NFL Teams That are Worse Than Their Record Shows!

There is a sister piece to this article that can be found over on the Daily Upper Decker. This is the first time The Top 5 and the Daily Upper Decker has actually joined forces. Over there, Tommy Gimler has written up a quick article titled “The Top 5 For Real Teams With the Worst Records“. Make sure to check it out.

There are 16 games in an NFL season, which means we are already through a quarter of the 2012-13 campaign. That is a good enough time to take a look at certain teams and perhaps try and find out who stinks and who doesn’t. Today, let’s take a look at who currently is having success that will miss the playoffs in the end. Remember, there is a TON of games left to play! Clearly there is a ton that can happen in those games, including injuries…

5. Arizona Cardinals – The Cardinals are 4-0 and one of only three undefeated teams in the entire league. That sounds like a real winner right? They are even out scoring their opponents by 30 points in those four games. But here is the thing: Those opponents are Seattle, Miami, Philadelphia (see number 3) and New England. At first glance you might think, Whoa, those are some great teams! But of those teams, only Philly has a winning record. Arizona is also dealing with Kevin Kolb as their QB and zero running game. Teams like this that rely on points from special teams and defense can only hang so long with real teams in the NFL. The reason the Cardinals are here at number 5 is because their division is terrible.

Kevin Kolb is probably about as good as the Klobb in Goldeneye.

4. Minnesota Vikings – This team is 3-1 and sitting on top of the NFC North, a real stinker of a division. But alas, someone has to win it and claim a play off spot. Why not the Vikings? Christian Ponder is playing about as good as anyone at QB, Adrian Peterson looks awesome, and the defense is looking great. Sure, they beat the 49ers too. But this looks like a team that is playing on young legs that might not have what it takes to outlast other, deeper teams. The Vikings are close and will compete, but in the end they will fall short. It will prove useful all the same though, as they will get valuable experience.

If you do not know who this is yet, get to know him.

3. Philadelphia Eagles – This team flat out stinks. They are in a tough division and even though they keep winning, they are the ONLY winning team in the entire NFL to be outscored. They have actually been outscored in their games 83-66. They have beaten teams by one, one, and two. One of those teams was the Browns. Yes, the Cleveland Browns. A team that hasn’t been relevant since Dwayne Rudd took his helmet off in a playoff game in celebration and got a flag that allowed the other team another shot a game winning field goal. The Eagles do have one thing going for them…Shady McCoy. This dude is so good that he will cause an injury to someone this year. It won’t be like Adrian Peterson running over Al Harris or William Gay, McCoy will injure someone by breaking their ankles. This guy is so shifty he will literally cause someone to plant their spikes in the turf and break and ankle. If the Eagles keep feeding the rock to this guy and take the ball out of Vick’s hands, they have a chance to stay competitive in their tough division.

Shady will have to break a lot of ankles to keep this team afloat.

2. Cincinnati Bengals – Alright, its not that I hate the Bengals at all. I really think AJ Green is something really special and Andy Dalton is good enough to win major games…But they are in a division with Baltimore and Pittsburgh and that is a tough sell to anyone. The good news is the Bengals can score some points. They have scored 112 in four games. The bad news is that they give every single point back to the other teams, 112 given up in four games. That is a recipe that cannot stand the test of time, especially when the teams you have played and beaten so far are the Jaguars, Redskins and Browns. They will either need to start scoring more points (again, against teams like Baltimore and Pittsburgh) or start slowing up opposing offenses. The last couple of weeks this team will face the Chargers, Cowboys, Eagles, Steelers and Ravens. That is a tough stretch to end your season and compete for a play off spot.

The sad part is, the Bengals are not a bad team. They just have to go through Baltimore.

1. New York Jets – Are you kidding me with this team!? The fact that they are 2-2 is a fricking miracle  The fact that I have to talk about them and add to their publicity and stuff makes me absolutely ill. The Jets as a team have managed 2 wins despite being outscored by opponents 109-81. Let us start with the 26th ranked offense: Mark Sanchez is terrible. Yea, I said it. People apologize for him all the time, but he is basically a poor man’s Rex Grossman. Yea, I said that too. And do not even get me started on Tim Tebow. You want his numbers? One pass, nine yards, one injured receiver. Nine rushes, 39 yards. I am done even talking about Tim Tebow, but if you want more, like I am sure you do, check out this site here that details 12 ways the Jets can use Tebow to get more playing time. You know who is an even bigger joke than those schmucks? Shonn Green. Good thing this dude finally got a reduced workload because I am pretty sure 2.8 yards per attempt is not good. In fact, that stinks out loud. The Jets are also 30th overall as a team in yards per carry, checking in at 3.2. Basically, everyone is better than them, even the Browns. The defense is marginally better than the offense, but it is ranked 20th overall and 30th against the run. Basically, these turds couldn’t stop a nose bleed. That just shows how big of a joke Rex Ryan is as a coach. This dude is a walking circus and his team stinks. I cannot imagine he has a job after this season with the Jets. All this said, this team will get rolled in the coming weeks and hopefully ESPN can finally stop talking about them. We will all be better off for it.

This team stinks.

Remember to check out the sister article over at the DUD. The link can be found here: The Top 5 For Real Teams With the Worst Records

Leave a comment


  1. I like this article a lot! I agree with every team. I think all their records are better then what they really are.

  2. ferchkc09

     /  October 3, 2012

    Nice list. I think you could have made a case for the SD Chargers to be on this list, possibly replacing the Cardinals. Over four games the Chargers are 3-1 with wins over Oakland, Tennesse, and Kansas City. Those three teams have a combined record of 3-9 through the first 4 games of the year. Their one loss came from Atlanta at home 27-3. The only thing really helping them is a lack luster division with a 40 year old Peyton Manning.

    • Oh sure. But if you had $50 right now, would you bet on the Cardinals making the Playoffs (in a division with the 49ers) or the Chargers (Who get to play those scrubs again)? If the Bengals get downgraded because of their division, the Chargers certainly get upgraded because of theirs. But I agree, that 6th spot on the list would go to the Chargers for sure.

  3. Funniest thing I have read in about three months:

    Kevin Kolb is probably about as good as the Klobb in Goldeneye.

  4. Stu

     /  October 3, 2012

    Mark Sanchez is beyond awful. His total QB Rating over the last 4 years in the league:
    2010-48.0 (Career High)
    2012 (YTD)-36.5

    How is he starting?

  5. Reblogged this on thetop5five and commented:

    Remember this post from a couple weeks ago? It was about teams I thought were worse than their early season starts. So far, I have been proved completely right. Eagles, Bengals, and Jets all 3-5 and looking terrible with multiple losing weeks in a row. The Cardinals blow ass and have lost 5 straight since making this post. The only team with a winning record is the Vikings. And they are sure to be at .500 after this week. I just wanted to show that unlike ESPN and Yahoo, I will show some accountability. In this case, I just happened to be right.

    • ferchkc09

       /  November 6, 2012

      You could also say I was spot on! SD 4-4 with their only win coming from a dismal KC team since this article was written!!! #ftw


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