Perhaps Motti Was Right All Along…

By BL1Y on College Humor:

INTERIOR: DEATH STAR — CONFERENCE ROOM.

MOTTI: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they’ve obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it!

VADER: Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

MOTTI: Don’t try to frighten us with your sorcerer’s ways, Lord Vader. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebel’s hidden fort…

Suddenly Motti chokes and starts to turn blue under Vader’s spell.

Motti

VADER: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

TARKIN: Enough of this! Vader, release him!

Tarkin and Vader

VADER: As you wish.

MOTTI: Stupid jerk! No one questioned whether you could kill anyone at this table. You’re made of freaking durasteel. But come on, the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force? The ability to destroy a planet? Insignificant?

VADER: The Force surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.

MOTTI: Binds it together? This station can reduce a planet to pebbles. Just how much binding is the Force doing?

VADER: Well, not binding individual planets together, but the galaxy as a whole.

TAGGE: I always thought that was gravity.

Tagge

VADER: The Force defies gravity.

Vader reaches out his hand and Tagge’s chair rises a few inches from the ground before dropping back in to place.

MOTTI: Now that’s a neat trick. Can you use that to, say, crash a few spaceships into each other?

VADER: Well, I can’t just knock them into each other, but the Force does make me the best star pilot in the galaxy.

MOTTI: I guess that’s something. How good exactly?

VADER: Okay, so imagine we’re both in starfighters, and I’m behind you, and we’re in a confined space such that you can’t really maneuver at all.

MOTTI: Alright-

VADER: Well, just the mere passing knowledge of the Force would be enough for you to dodge my laser fire. That is the power of the Force.

MOTTI: So the Force helps make you into a great pilot-

VADER: Yes.

MOTTI: But mastery of it makes you into such a terrible pilot that you can’t shoot down a basically immobilized target right in front of you, so long as the pilot of that other ship has any knowledge of the Force at all?

VADER: That’s pretty much correct.

TAGGE: So it’s like homeopathy?

TARKIN: Alright, alright, this is all getting a little out of hand. Admiral Motti, you will apologize to Lord Vader for insulting his religious beliefs.

MOTTI: Are you kidding me?

TARKIN: Intolerance has no place here. Who are you to decide what’s true and what isn’t?

MOTTI: The Jedi were wiped out by a clone army. Clones! I’ll respect differing beliefs, but this is one that’s demonstrably false.

VADER: It wasn’t just clones, I also played a role in hunting down and destroying the Jedi.

MOTTI: Oh, and who did you kill?

VADER: The younglings.

MOTTI: And who did the clones kill?

VADER: All the Jedi Knights and Jedi Masters.

MOTTI: And did you ever go up against a Jedi Master?

VADER: Yes, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

MOTTI: And the result of that duel?

VADER: …I was cut into pieces.

MOTTI: And yet, we’re supposed to treat his beliefs like a legitimate religion just because he can choke someone from across the room? You know what else has the power to kill someone from across the room? A blaster! Ooo, let’s all bow down to the Church of the Holy Carbine.

TARKIN: Come on, just apologize. You really don’t want to go down this road.

MOTTI: And why not? I for one am a little bit tired of Vader’s bullying.

TAGGE (whispering): Dude, …Word of this gets back to the Emperor-

MOTTI: Yeah?

TAGGE: Well, you know. …He is one.

MOTTI: The Emperor believes in the Force? I always figured he was just like the rest of us.

TAGGE: You mean Mormon?

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