Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokémon!

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The entire concept of having animals evolve into insanely-powerful beast monsters by beating the crap out of others in battle (or by being exposed to stones, being traded, etc.) is pretty ridiculous in and of itself. But it’s not too difficult suspending your disbelief when the end result is a fire-breathing dragon who remains loyal to you (despite the fact you’re forcing it to fight a bird who shoots lightning). But there are some specific evolutions that are extremely weird, even in the already-weird field of Pokemon evolutions. These are the 10 weirdest evolutions in Pokemon.

10. Cubone into Marowak

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Cubone’s life kinda sucks – he’s so upset at the death of his mother (remember, this is an entire species of Pokemon, meaning they all are bereaved over the deaths of each of their individual mothers), that he literally wears her skull, which may not be the most emotionally-healthy coping tactic. Then again, in some deeply, deeply messed up way, his mother is still protecting poor little Cubone – since her skull now acts as his helmet. It’s definitely indicative of some kind of creepy Norman Bates/Mother relationship, but it’s mostly harmless.

Where it gets weird is when Cubone evolves into Marowak. Essentially, Marowak’s just a bigger Cubone, which isn’t all that weird. What is weird is that Marowak is defined by having gotten over the death of its mother (remember: AS A SPECIES, Marowaks have ALL gotten over the deaths of their individual mothers), but stillwears a skull on its head. But it’s specifically NOT its mother’s! Meaning…Marowak found some random dead Pokemon’s bigger skull and is wearing that now? Something tells me Marowak hasn’t quite reached the closure it claims to have.

9. Fish That Turn Into Entirely Different Kinds of Fish

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A lot of Pokemon have weird evolutions, where the following form bears little resemblance to the original. But, for whatever reason, this seems a lot more pronounced in a lot of fish Pokemon. Carvanha (a Pokemon resembling a piranha) evolves into Sharpedo (a Pokemon resembling a shark – which is not a type of piranha). Maybe this was just a weird in-joke, since the film Piranha was a cheap rip-off of Jaws? What’s weirder is Magikarp and Feebas, two fish Pokemon that look very similar, each evolve into things that are not really fish at all. Magikarp notably turns into a Chinese dragon-looking thing called Gyarados, and Feebas turns into some kind of majestic eel known as Milotic.

There are actually a lot more examples: Remoraid (which resembles a pet fish) turns into Octillery (an octopus). The normal Poliwag to Poliwrath evolution chain can take a total left turn and evolve into Politoed (which is a frog, instead of a weird blue thing with a spiral-patterned stomach). Clamperl (a clam/pearl combination, shockingly) turns into some type of eel, either Gorebyss or Huntail (depending what kind of item you make Clamperl hold onto). Then again, I don’t know a whole lot about fish, so maybe clams turning into eels is the norm under the sea.

8. Baby Pokemon Who Just Start Hanging Out

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Let’s say you’re hanging out with two friends. Fun, right? Oh, also one other thing: DID YOU REALIZE YOUJUST EVOLVED INTO A HIGHER LIFEFORM? Because you did. Well, at least according to the rules of Pokemon, where three Digletts equal one Dugtrio that can be treated as a single entity.

7. Voltorb into Electrode

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Basically, Electrode is just a bigger version of Voltorb, but the top and bottom colors have been switched for some reason. It seems pretty arbitrary, and is definitely odd, but not necessarily odd enough to get itself on this list. What’s real weird is that it gains a mouth too. Where there was no mouth before (essentially just a Pokemon with eyes), it now has a mouth and teeth and everything. The existence of a mouth at all indicates it needs to eat and breath. How that was happening when it was a mouthless Voltorb is a mystery for only the bravest Pokemon fanfic writers.

6. Geodude into Graveler into Golem

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Geodude and Graveler follow a pretty normal evolutionary pattern: it starts out as a little rock creature, it grows into a bigger rock creature. But something weird happens when Graveler evolves into Golem – it turns from a creature made entirely out of rock to a what looks like a lizard-like thing trapped inside a boulder. The point is, it goes from all rock to some kind of organic creature living inside a rock, like when Dwayne Johnson emerged from The Rock.

5. Pokemon That Hold Different Things

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With evolution comes the use of more complex tools – this is evident in the fossil records of humanity’s own history. However, “holding two spoons instead of one spoon” is a little different twist on that concept. In the transition from Kadabra to Alakazam, the Pokemon grows a bit, but the primary difference is that it is now holding one additional spoon. Likewise, the “urr” line of Pokemon from Black/White (Timburr, Gurdurr, and Conkeldurr) get bigger and stronger, but tow different types of beams along with them (wood to steel to rock, respectively). Why each species has a specific type of beam is a little strange – surely Conkeldurr (side note: these Pokemon have some of the most insulting-feeling names) would do better with a steel beam than a couple of rock ones, right? Nope – he’s evolved now, so he has to use rocks.

It could be worse, though. Poor Farfetch’d holds a leek normally, but in his evolved form he – OH WAIT, Farfetch’d doesn’t HAVE an evolved form. It’s stuck holding an onion as its only weapon for the rest of eternity. Someone get that Pokemon some Burn Heal.

4. Munna into Musharna

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Munna and Musharna look largely similar – the primary difference is that Munna is defined by eating dreams, while Musharna is defined by…emanating a mist from its forehead packed with the dreams it had eaten. So, in other words, when Munna evolves, it farts out all the dreams it had eaten…out of its face. Basically, it’s just completing a single digestive cycle.

Imagine how congested and uncomfortable Munna must be feeling when it’s full. If you don’t evolve it, it can’t fart out all the dreams it ate. If you stopped it’s evolution, odds are it’s colon would straight up explode, and you would be showered with dream-feces.

3. Every Ghost-Type Pokemon

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There is a creepy, never-really-talked-about thing in Pokemon. Actually, there are probably a lot of things that are creepy and never discussed in Pokemon, but specifically we’re talking about Ghost-type Pokemon here. The implication is that they’re dead spirits of former living beings, unnaturally beholden to this plane of existence for some reason. Even more unsettling, they can still be captured and trained by children for what amounts to insane, superpowered cockfights. Where it gets even weirder is that a lot of these Ghost-type Pokemon can evolve into new Pokemon entirely.

Part of the key to understanding evolution is that a thing must be alive to evolve. That’s important. Dead things do not evolve, since evolution has a lot to do with survival. Ethereal spirits specifically did not survive. Yet, somehow, they continue to change and evolve long after their deaths. Little ghost candles turn into ghost chandeliers, Gastly turns into Gengar, etc. Ghosts shouldn’t be able to change, due to the rules of being of a ghost. If they can evolve – are they really ghosts?

Then again, you could always play Pokemon in “Ghostbuster Mode” (where you catch all Ghost-type Pokemon with Electric-type moves and store all ghosts in a PC Box) and never have to bother asking yourselves these questions.

2. The Pokemon Dies

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Pokemon have it hard enough – they are constantly being forced to battle each other and face off against horrifying powers, being blasted with lightning strikes and having their mind torn apart by psychic cats. But through all of this, pretty much the worst thing that can happen to them is that they faint at the end. Which, all things considered, is actually not too shabby. While there are a few implied deaths of Pokemon throughout the series (lookin’ at you, Blue’s Raticate), it’s extremely rare. Even rarer, what if literally murdering your Pokemon was what made it evolve? That’s case for Snorunt.

Snorunt is an Ice-type. He’s a cute little guy who survives by eating snow and ice. And he can evolve into the pretty normal evolution of Glalie (also an Ice-type). But there’s another possibility. If you expose Snorunt to the Dawn Stone, it “evolves” into Froslass. But Froslass is a Ghost-type, implying that Snorunt died in the process – since it was made of ice and was exposed to the burning heat of the Dawn Stone. So yes – you killed a Pokemon to make it evolve. As if enslaving and fighting animals didn’t make you enough of a sociopath monster.

Note: Shedinja is a weird example – it is the shell of a Pokemon that evolved, but somehow still exists as a separate entity, as if the spirit of the original Pokemon split in two. Does it retain the consciousness of the original Pokemon, Nincada? The Pokedex entries claim it’s an “empty shell that came to life”, which is bringing up even more questions no one wants answered. Reminder: this is a game intended for all ages.

1. Pokemon That Literally Grow Additional Heads

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Listen – it’s definitely weird to grow additional limbs where there were no limbs before. There was a whole arc on the Spider-Man cartoon about how confusing it can be for a young person to grow new arms, like an after-school special mutated-gene puberty. Machamp, I’m sure it’s real tough being you.

But growing extra HEADS? That’s like some David Cronenberg-level existential nightmare shit. Entirely new consciousnesses are being spawned when you evolve a Doduo or a Deino, which is pretty horrifying – but worse, they’re sprouting attached to the same body as the other head. Imagine entering the world, only to discover you have to share a body with someone who’s been there for a while. Oh, also you’re the enslaved property of some sociopath 11 year old who’s going to pit you in fights to the death with random animals. And if you’re a Dodrio, you kinda suck, so – best case scenario – you become an HM slave and have to fly the kid around the world (EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T HAVE WINGS CAPABLE OF FLIGHT). Worst case scenario? You get forgotten in a Bill’s PC somewhere and live on a flash drive for the rest of your life (assuming you call your existence a “life”).




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1 Comment

  1. thecakeisnotalietome

     /  April 18, 2013

    Shedninja didn’t die, it’s just the hollow husk of the nincada when it evolved into ninjask. I like the list though!


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