If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers!

BY ANDREW BRIDGMAN / SEPTEMBER 4, 2013

Daenerys Targaryen

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers

Rayquaza, Reshiram, and Zekrom: These three dragon-type Pokemon represent Daenerys’ three dragons – the green Rhaegal, the white Viserion, and the black Drogon.

Rapidash: The fiery horse Pokemon represents Khal Drogo, leader of the horselords of Essos, who trekked across the burnt desert with Daenerys as his Khaleesi.

Ursaring: The bear represents Ser Jorah Mormont, of Bear Island – Daenerys’ bodyguard and advisor.

Hydreigon: The three-headed dragon-type Pokemon represents House Targaryen’s sigil of a three-headed dragon. I know she already has three dragons in this, but c’mon, just go with it.

Jon Snow

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers

Glaceon: The ice-type Eevee evolution represents Ghost, Jon Snow’s direwolf companion.

Beartic: The ice-type bear Pokemon represents Jon Snow’s home in the icy North.

Murkow: The crow Pokemon represents Jon Snow’s pledge to the Night’s Watch – who often are referred to as ‘crows’ by the Wildlings.

Cubone: The ground-type, mother’s skull-wearing Pokemon represents the death of Jon Snow’s mother, an event that has defined him for much of his life. Also, like Cubone, Jon Snow is sad ALL THE TIME.

Lampent: Lampents steal spirits away, sorta like those ice-zombie things north of the Wall. Also, they’re ghosts, and Jon Snow has a direwolf named Ghost? Yeah, it’s a stretch, but so is the entire idea of Pokemon existing in this series.

Froslass: Well, this is a ghost and an ice-type. Jon Snow’s always up in the ice, plus his last name is ‘Snow,’ and the whole “having a dog named Ghost” thing. Although, if we’re being honest here, Jon Snow’s got a lot on his hands already, he doesn’t really have time to be training Pokemon. And if he were training Pokemon for some reason, he probably would just make the best team he possibly could – not stick to some kind of personal “theme.” Like, he probably wouldn’t really want THREE Ice-types.

Tyrion Lannister

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers

Entei: It’s a lion? And that’s the sigil of House Lannister? I know it’s a Legendary Pokemon and all, but whatever, maybe they bought it somehow. Yeah, let’s go with that. The Lannisters would probably just buy a bunch of awesome Pokemon.

Meowth: He likes money. I mean, he sucks, but the whole money thing works pretty well, right?

Sableye: When I googled “Imp Pokemon,” he was the first one to come up, so here we are.

Ludicolo: He seems like he’d be a big party guy Pokemon, right? Tyrion’s pretty down with partying too. Also, there was no “wine Pokemon.” Or “grape Pokemon.” Maybe there will be in X/Y though, so maybe I should have held off on this another month or so.

Snorlax: He’s lazy? Tyrion’s pretty lazy for a while in the beginning.

Missingno: Well, many in Westeros view little people as aberrations from nature, so…well, I know Missingno isn’t “technically” an actual Pokemon but…c’mon guys. Are you gonna start disagreeing or something? These are two entirely separate fantasy universes, so agreeing or disagreeing is pointless. There are no Pokemon in Westeros, period. This is just one guy on the internet combining two things the internet likes with a bare minimum amount of logic applied. I mean, if Pokemon WERE in this world, the entire history would probably be a whole lot different. Really, if any society had Pokemon that were real in it, everyone would be dead so fast. Like, look at some of these things. There are so many dragons and fire-horses and ghosts and FLOATINGWHALES and all kinds of crazy monsters that would kill everything in their path. Then again, pretty much everyone in these books do get horribly killed. So maybe it DOES make sense to put them together?

All I know is that if you WERE going to combine Pokemon and Game of Thrones, you would pretty much haveto have Melisandre giving birth to a Gastly.

All right. Fine.

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers

“Real” Ninja Turtle Artwork!

 

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After!

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

There’s always a lot of grumbling whenever a new generation of Pokemon games come out – primarily that Nintendo is scraping the bottom of the PokeWell and coming out with ridiculously stupid designs for Pokemon, like ice cream cones and ghost swords. But the truth is that Nintendo has always included incredibly dumb Pokemon designs (with some even dumber names), ever since the very beginning. Here are 8 first generation Pokemon that are dumber than anything that came after.

8. Porygon

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “Hey, you know what’s crazy? Computers. What about a computer program Pokemon? Yeah, sure it can exist in the real world, even though it’s explicitly made of virtual polygons.”

Porygon’s an incredibly dumb idea for a Pokemon. It’s literally made of programming code, but it somehow interacts with the physical world. In other words, it makes no sense at all and Nintendo just thought it would be neat to have some kind of Pokemon to take advantage of the “computer” fad that was sweeping the world.

How Lazy Is The Name: It’s like Polygon, but we replaced the L with an R for some reason. Possibly to sound like an incredibly racist impression of a Japanese person? We can only hope.

7. Lickitung

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “It’s like…a dinosaur or something. That’s not important. What is important is that it has a huge tongue. Like bigger than a normal tongue would be. Also, it’s always out for some reason. That’s enough to justify an entire Pokemon, right?”

This is why no one should ever listen to KISS and try to design a Pokemon at the same time.

How Lazy Is The Name: Well, it has a big tongue and is named ‘Lickitung.’ It would take a lot of effort to think of something lazier than that.

6. Snorlax

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “A fat, sleeping…thing. Maybe a cat? Who cares? The point is, it’s very sleepy and fat.”

The mark of a truly lazy Pokemon design is that it’s doesn’t hold up too well when you begin to question the design. What is Snorlax? A cat? A bear? Nobody really knows (just kidding, I’m sure there is extensive documentation on Snorlax’s exact physiology, because literally every corner of the Pokemon world has been filled in by the internet). But the primary attributes that were given to Snorlax are “Fat” and “Likes To Sleep.” Sound familiar?

THEY TURNED GARFIELD INTO A POKEMON.

How Lazy Is The Name: Snore + Relax = Snorlax! Actually, not bad – it rolls off the tongue nicely and takes some effort to figure out, and at least it isn’t named “Fatsleep” or “Obesetired” or “Garfield The Pokemon But Like Blue Or Something Who Cares.”

5 Magnemite

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

 

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

 

4. Exeggutor

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “Remember that group of eggs that are a single Pokemon? Well they evolve into a palm tree. A walking palm tree. A walking palm tree that’s growing eggs (we’ll call them ‘seeds’ in the Pokedex entry, but c’mon, those are clearly sentient eggs).”

What IS Exeggutor? A walking tree with eggs hanging off it (less eggs than it evolved from, no less)? I don’t know, and neither does Pokemon. Instead of having Exeggcute evolve into a bunch of chickens or something, they realized they needed another grass-type and had it turn into…this thing.

How Lazy Is The Name: The name is actually awesome. As much as you can grumble about a palm tree with eggs, you can’t say this name isn’t cool. Well, you can, but you’d be wrong.

3. Jynx

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “It’s, like, a lady. But she doesn’t have a nose. But she’s pretty much just a person. Also, is blackface still an okay thing?”

Jynx is very close to just being a short, stout lady without a nose (also with some seriously racist-as-hell origins). It’s more or less a person, but has some traits in line with various Nordic and Japanese folklore that saves it from being “a blonde lady who is a Pokemon.” Still, it looks a lot like a blonde lady who is a Pokemon.

How Lazy Is The Name: Jynx isn’t a bad name, and it actually seems pretty prescient on the part of the developers to name the Pokemon after a word that means “bad luck,” given the headaches this Pokemon gave them from people who were anti-racism.

2. Voltorb

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “We need some filler Pokemon. Like, something we already have a design for that’s incredibly simple, but with eyes or whatever. Oh, I know – we already have all these Pokeball sprites. Why not just put some eyes on ’em and call it a Pokemon? Hell yeah.”

I would say the odds are pretty good that someone realized that every item was represented as a Pokeball, but it might be good to surprise the player every now and then by having the item turn out to be a Pokemon in disguise. But to make it almost make sense, they decided to have a Pokemon who just happens to look just like a Pokeball. They didn’t bother to think “oh, this is really, really dumb.” I don’t think it’s any coincidence that this Pokemon’s signature move is “kill itself.” Even Voltorb knows it probably shouldn’t exist.

How Lazy Is The Name: The name ‘Voltorb’ is actually pretty good – ‘volt’ as an indicator of its electric-type attribute, and ‘orb’ because it’s a spherical object. Really, it’s half-way decent name is the only thing keeping this thing from the #1 slot.

Speaking of…

1. Mr. Mime

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “I saw a mime once. What if that human being in make-up pretending to be stuck in a box was a Pokemon?”

Mr. Mime is basically a person. Just a regular person. Not an animal, not an inanimate object, not a made-up thing. Nothing implying supernatural powers or abilities that would be useful in battle. A human entertainer. It’s hard to imagine someone at Nintendo hadn’t just seen a mime outside and said “eh, that guy could be a Pokemon.”

How Lazy Is The Name: Here’s the issue – Mr. Mime and Jynx are both very lazily-designed Pokemon. They’re both pretty much “people who are Pokemon for some reason.” But Jynx at least makes an attempt to be something more with the design and ice-type implying connections to some supernatural folklore stuff. Mr. Mime doesn’t do that.

But worst of all – IT’S ACTUALLY NAMED “MISTER MIME.” It would be impossible to think of a lazier name than this, because it even sounds like someone desperately trying to think of a name at the last second and coming up empty. “Mister…Mime?” Hell, even calling him “Mimey” would have been better.

 

By Andrew Bridgman at Dorkly.com

7 Things That Still Bother Me About the Mighty Ducks Trilogy!

by Susanna Wolff of Collegehumor.

The Mighty Ducks is a terrific series of movies, but, like anything involving children and rollerblades, it has a whole bunch of nonsense mixed in.

1. Why would someone convicted of a DUI be assigned to mold the minds of children for his community service?

It’s pretty easy to forget that Emilio Estevez’s character, Gordon Bombay, starts this trilogy by driving drunk. There is no way in hell a Disney movie for kids would show anyone driving drunk, let alone the character that is supposed to be one of the heroes. But the presence of drunk driving in this movie isn’t what bothers me; it’s the idea that any court would sentence someone who had been arrested for driving drunk to coach a children’s sports team. And that these kids’ parents would allow it! He commits a dangerous crime that displays poor judgement and a disregard for the safety of others, and he gets put in charge of other people’s kids. I get that these are supposed to be some real loser reject kids, but come on.

 

2. There is no way these kids would have been chosen to be teamUSA

The Ducks spend the entire first movie banding together, trying to become good enough to beat a slightly better team of pathetic children in Minneapolis, MN (and a learning a few valuable lessons about personal integrity along the way), and even though they do end up beating that better team at the end of the movie, there is no way in hell that makes them the best youth hockey players in America. All the new kids that are brought in for the second movie, those are the best youth hockey players in America. Not Goldberg, who still can’t even skate.

 

3. Wearing rollerblades doesn’t mean you can jump 7 feet in the air

The current world record for a box jump is 64 inches, and that’s held by some sort of buff workout dude. In this scene, Charlie Conway, a scrawny, pubescent teen, not only jumps at least that high, but he also jumps about 6 feet forward, over a wall of cement bags and a cement mixer. The absolute bullsh*t physics of this scene is all the more noticeable because this moment is totally unnecessary. They could have easily cut this scene and avoided all the stunt work and we all could have carried on with this otherwise completely realistic movie.

 

4. The trick Knuckle-Puck scene in D2 breaks so many rules

Watch this scene real quick (it’s good)

 

That’s a super satisfy move of sportsy cleverness, but it also would have been illegal because:
1. If you switch goalies, you have to announce it.
2. You can’t switch jerseys with another player.
3. If the goalie’s helmet comes off, the play is stopped.
So, even if we ignore the fact that the Icelandic monsters could have totally walled off Kenan in the time it took him to have his big reveal and stick change, team USA was not getting a point for this one.

5. Everything about that scene where they play hockey against some inner city youths in South Central LA so they can learn how to play like the real team USA

This is, no question, the scene that makes the least sense in this whole series. Before criticising this specific scene, let me mention a few problems in the set-up: first, I don’t know how Kenan kept getting tickets to this popular ice hockey event. Second, I don’t know why he kept going alone instead of with his brother and friends who were clearly also interested in hockey. Ok, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the real problem: teens in South Central LA don’t care about hockey. No one cares about hockey, but specifically not teens from a bad neighborhood in a hot city. There’s a reason this hockey game is clearly taking place on a basketball court. Because the real Team USA doesn’t play hockey.

 

6. Why are these supposed Olympic-level athletes not able to beat some random varsity hockey team?

In D3, the Ducks, the Goodwill Games athletes (the fake Olympics for people who were afraid of silly stuff like “nuclear war”), get scholarships to a fancy prep school where they instantly form a bitter rivalry with the existing varsity hockey team. It makes sense, in a stupid, self-serving way, that the varsity team wouldn’t want new, supposedly better players taking their spots, but, if the Ducks were really that good, they shouldn’t have cared about these preppy weiners. I suppose this complaint is really just a reiteration of my #2 complaint, which is that the Ducks aren’t as good as they’re supposed to be. Team USA should have kicked these dorks’ asses.

 

7. You can’t just decide to go by a different team name when you’re representing your country

It’s Team USA, not Team Whatever the Fuck You Want. That’s kind of the point of international sporting events, specifically the Goodwill Games. Yet another reason this team did not deserve to be Team USA, and that I should have titled this article, “7 Things That Still Bother Me About the Mighty Ducks, But Mostly the Mighty Ducks 2.”

Will Smith and His Son Rap, and Then Everyone Dances!

Say what you will about Will Smith or his son or whatever, but watch this video clip and try not to be happy…it is impossible.

Realistic Pokemon Drawings!

DeviantArt-ist Arvalis has put together a pretty sizable collection of incredibly realistic Pokemon designs – with a trainer silhouette in each to show the sheer scale of these ‘mons. But one of the coolest parts of these designs is how other Pokemon are subtly worked into many of them (notice the Caterpie in the Charizard one below).

Incredible Pokemon Fan Art - Image 1
Incredible Pokemon Fan Art - Image 1
Incredible Pokemon Fan Art - Image 1
Incredible Pokemon Fan Art - Image 1
Incredible Pokemon Fan Art - Image 1