Chris Kluwe Expected to be Cut by Minnesota Vikings!

We have covered a lot of what Chris Kluwe has done on this site. You can find some of his funny articles here and here and here. He also happens to play for the Vikings, who happen to be this writers favorite team. But news has come out that the Vikings are ready to cut ties with the punter. The Vikings are citing that Kluwe’s age, salary and Jeff Locke’s (Vikings drafted a new punter in this years draft) talent all are factors in Kluwe’s release.

Of course, some people are wondering if that Kluwe’s off field interests and antics are the real reason the Vikings are letting him go. I personally hope that it is not. Kluwe is quick to point out that he has been an above average punter in this league for years now. But the Vikings seem to want to have a “quiet” punter. I think this is unfortunate in a lot of ways. One, it just sort of stereotypes the NFL even more as the “not fun league” and also makes it hard for players in this league to share opinions and ideas and even just enjoy their life. The NFL is not and should never be considered equals to the military or anything like that. It is a game, a sport. I suppose Kluwe has some great lines about this when he says that he has no regrets being who he is;

“I think the sacrifice would be worth it,” Kluwe told Chip Scoggins of the Star Tribune. “Now, I would hope that I would get the chance to play football again, because I think I can still play. But if it ends up being something that costs me that position, I think making people aware of an issue that is causing children to commit suicide is more important than kicking a leather ball.”

Kluwe particularly has been vocal in his support for same sex-marriage rights. He is coming out with a book this summer and believes it’s silly that he’s been admonished publicly, sometimes by coaches, for having other interests.

“When I’m at the facility, I’m concentrating 100 percent on my job because that’s what I’m being paid to do,” Kluwe said. “But when I’m away from the facility, I’m no longer at my job. I get to live my life. This idea that you have to spend 24 hours a day thinking about your job frankly is unhealthy. It’s insane.”

I agree 100%. I do not think the Vikings “botched” this whole situation…I am saying they missed an opportunity to become something more than just an NFL football team. They could have stood by and supported one of their own and that persons issues. Instead, they did what every NFL team does…cut the player and move on. Is it better for football operations? Maybe. Is it right? I suppose that is up to you.

I think Kluwe will end up punting some place else rather quickly. Teams hire felons who kill people and dogs and get DUI’s and beat women…I am sure a team can handle someone who likes playing World of Warcraft…



Chris Kluwe Breaks Down a Street Brawl in Hollywood! brings us Tuesday Night Fights, which I guess is a collection of Youtube videos of people street fighting. Anyway, Kluwe breaks down a fight in this weeks edition. Check the full link and video here. That it takes place in Hollywood and is fairly close to where I live and work, this is not a surprise to me at all, but it is rather shocking that I have only ever seen one of these street brawls happen in my life. I feel like there should be way more. Anyway, the article that Kluwe writes is included below:

So, for whatever reason, I’ve been asked to comment on another shining example of humanity treating each other with kindness and respect. Sadly, that fell through, and this is about Tuesday Night Fights.

This one opens up with a standard Hollywood nightlife shot, although I have to wonder at the creep factor of randomly filming people from your apartment window. I think that violates some sort of rental agreement, unless you’re in Venice Beach.

Anyways, there’s some people hanging out in front of a newspaper store (they still sell those?) when all of a sudden BAM. EPIC BITCH SLAP. The guy delivering this ferocious blow has what I believe to be a mohawk mullet, or momlet, which naturally enrages his victim so much that he makes the internationally recognized symbol for a dance battle – rolling his hands in front of his abdomen while swaying back and forth.

A local harlot has no interest in the dance battle, however, and she engages in some light pushing with the Lord of the Dance, drawing the concern of a wandering bystander. Wandering Bystander takes possibly the most unathletic fall I’ve ever seen (bear in mind I’ve watched game film of myself) before getting back up and realizing he has episodes of Xena he could be watching at home.

Meanwhile, Lord of the Dance is now running down the street after Momlet, and I have to say, the view from the filmer’s window is quite expansive. I feel like the entire wall must be floor to ceiling plate glass windows, perhaps with ornate scrollwork along the upper portions, behind which lies an intricate series of folding Japanese rice paper screens. Some have pictures of cranes mid-flight.

Anywho, at this point, Lord of the Dance is being restrained by a rather husky gentleman while Momlet inadvertently teabags Local Harlot. They have a *moment*, and Local Harlot decides to chill on the sidewalk; I can only imagine because it’s cleaner than the inside of her dress. Husky Lad recruits another local passerby and leads Lord of the Dance away to more Xena reruns.

Unfortunately, the thought of Xena awakens Lord of the Dance’s inner warrior princess, and he takes off back down the street to finally bring Momlet to justice in the most epic dance off since Thriller. Sadly, Local Harlot gets involved, and this beautiful expression of modern art devolves into a chaotic melee in front of some poor housewife’s Prius, or maybe it’s a Focus. I’m not really sure. Either way, she’s not getting her groceries unloaded anytime soon.

At this point, it’s basically a mess of random people punching at each other and squabbling on the ground in the middle of a busy intersection; fortunately (I guess) no one gets run over, though a wandering group of brosefs jumps and cheers as they wander past on their way to the nearest Affliction store. I’m pretty sure they get run over in the future.

Eventually it all winds down, and I have to say, I think we can all learn a valuable lesson from this – mainly, that whatever they’re selling in that corner store is only 99 cents. I wonder if it’s any good.

Chris Kluwe Trolls a Video Game Website!

Imagine if you had a buddy who was into the same things as you and who also happened to be an NFL player and wasn’t afraid to clue you in to a lot of what goes on behind the scenes, that’s who this guy is.

I think of Chris Kluwe as a guy just like me who likes video games, books, sports, Magic cards, and so on, and he just happens to be an NFL punter. In this, I think he is a bit of an enigma. Players in the NFL, even ones on is team like Adrian Peterson, tend to focus on football and that is all they know and all they are defined by. Sure, as fans, that is what we want. But as people, that is so incredibly boring. Kluwe is pretty outspoken about his feelings on many issues, both inside and outside the NFL, and is very interesting to follow on Twitter. I’m a fan.

It isn’t that he’s outspoken. Lot of professional athletes have been outspoken. Kluwe is unquestioningly intelligent. He may not be the brightest person in the world, but when he writes about a topic, he showcases a level of creativity, wit, and knowledge that one doesn’t see often these days from outspoken people.

Ok, so here is some context to what you are about to read:  The Trenches is done by the PA guys and Scott Kurtz, and is essentially about video games testers and the hell they go through in their jobs. Along with the comic, you always get a story submitted by a reader about how terrible their job/life is. So, Kluwe did the same thing, describing how ‘terrible’ his life is in comparison to the video game testers of this site…

It Ain’t All Fame and Fortune

Submitted by: Anonymous punter for the MN Vikings, first initial Chris, last initial Kluwe

You want to hear some shit? Let me tell you about my average day. It starts off with waking up at 6:45 in the morning, which is waaaaaay before the sun comes up, which means it’s cold. Real cold. So cold that the steering wheel heater in my BMW takes at LEAST five minutes to warm up. Sometimes I even have to hit the three zone seat heater, which is not a step I take lightly. That thing chews right through ultra-premium gas.

Once the climate problems are dealt with, I have to fight my way through ten, maybe fifteen minutes of light traffic. Occasionally there’s an accident, some person in an Oldsmobile or something, and I have to drop down to 55mph. Let me tell you, there is nothing more depressing than driving past a broken down minivan filled with screaming children, and you can only do 55. Just awful.

Finally I get to work. My clothes are freshly laundered and hung in my locker, but the industrial strength drying machine they use sometimes shrinks my pants and I have to ask for a new pair. They always give me some, but it’s just so humiliating to actually have to talk to the equipment managers. Rarely, they’ll make eye contact, and what am I supposed to do then? Acknowledge them? Pretend to remember their names?

After that disaster, the only way to calm myself down is to head up to the cafeteria and order some freshly made pancakes and scrambled egg whites, but the kitchen staff create a very hostile environment. They also put out biscuits, gravy, waffles, hashbrowns, thick cut bacon, thin cut bacon, sausage patties, a fruit and yogurt bar, a cereal stand, croissants, english muffins, bacon, and fully made breakfast sandwiches. How am I supposed to look at all that and eat healthy at the same time? Some people just don’t get it.

Once breakfast is out of the way (and I’ve been forced to bus my own dishes over to the dishwasher), it’s time for meetings. These last for an agonizing forty five minutes before I can finally escape, and if I fall asleep during the meetings I get yelled at. It’s so unfair – don’t they know how early I had to wake up? Then I have to somehow find a way to fill the next two hours before lunch; usually the only option is to play dominos, but sometimes I lose and that really sucks. It’s super hard to stay focused in at work once you lose a domino game. It can ruin your entire day.

After lunch (with its measly selection of four different entrees, three side courses, a salad bar, a sandwich bar, a dessert bar, and an ice cream freezer) there’s another hour of dead time that I’m supposed to fill. Usually I’ll sneak into the equipment room and read the paper, but the couch there is getting old and the dryers are moderately loud so it’s a less than ideal environment. It’s really hard to focus on the crossword puzzle with a dryer rattling around. Other times I’ll go take a nap in the lounge, but there’s only the two couches so if it fills up quickly it’s a real bummer.

Then comes the worst part of the day: practice. I have to actually put on my cleats and go punt a football for THIRTY MINUTES.

Thirty minutes. I’ll let that sink in a little bit.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that I’m done when the punting ends either – then I have to go inside and pretend to lift weights so I can sit down. The coaches don’t let us sit down on the field, and I think you’ll all agree that that’s basically indentured servitude. I’m considering filing an OSHA complaint.

After all that grueling work, practice finally ends and I have to hurry up and head home at three so I can avoid traffic. Exhausting. My only relief is to sit on the couch and play games until midnight to unwind from the stress.

So when you video game testers think you have it hard, in your air conditioned rooms with your fancy electronics, take a minute and think about us poor NFL punters. We deal with the real shit, out in the real world. Our trenches run deep.

Chris Kluwe Should be a Congressman!

Chris Kluwe speaks out again. Sure, the whole thing revolves around gay marriage and stuff…whether you believe in that or not is up to you, but listen to Kluwe’s REAL message: We should be allowed to say and speak our minds about anything we want. 

I could not agree more with you on this Chris. If you want to talk about World of Warcraft all day, go right ahead. If you want to support gays in the NFL, go right ahead. No one should ever have to FEAR or be censored from saying what they want to say. That is one of our rights as Americans.

Here is a Yahoo article published about Kluwe when he recently posed for OUT magazine, which, if you couldn’t tell by the title of the magazine, has a gay target audience.

One of the things I find intersting is the breaking of the stereotypes of “jock” and “nerd” and how someone can actually be both.

“I’ve always relished breaking that stereotype of the dumb jock athlete because while I enjoyed athletics growing up, I also enjoyed reading and video games, and athletic sport is not what defines me as a person,” Kluwe told OUT’s Cyd Zeigler. “I think as more and more generations start rising through the NFL, a lot of these kids see that it’s OK to be something other than an athlete.”

I really hope that that is the case. Someday, if I have a child, I hope they do not just want to be one or the other, and that society will let them be who they want to be. You want to play football? Fine. You want to read books? Perfect. You find more interest in Star Wars than you do in baseball? That is ok too! Be who you want to be. That is Kluwe’s main message here people.

Feel free to disagree with Mr. Kluwe. In fact, he welcomes it. Speak your mind. Or just play World of Warcraft. Either way, do what you want as long as it is not oppressing.

Chris Kluwe Article and Interview

Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe

Here is a interview with Chris Kluwe featured on the Ed Show. I don’t have Twitter personally, but I love how Kluwe’s twitter account is ChrisWarcraft!  Also, the dude is pretty smart as well as a above average punter. Kluwe scored 1490 on his SAT under the old format, including a perfect verbal score, and routinely speed-reads entire books in one sitting. You can find the link to the article and interview here. Enjoy.

You can also find an article on about Kluwe here. He has blown up over night for this rant, even though he has been doing it for awhile. You can check his work and thoughts on the NFL Owners and replacement refs as well.

Chris Kluwe Strikes Again!

Chris Kluwe is the man. He might not be the best punter in the game, but he might be the most literate and sane person in the league. If you don’t believe me, ask Nate Jackson. Nate Jackson got rolled by Kluwe for trying pop off. Now, Kluwe turns to an anti-Gay Marriage canidate from Maryland. Sure this article contains some bad words, but it also contains some wonderful points that people should read and understand. Can Kluwe kick it? Why, yes, he certainly can. You can find the article here!


For some other Chris Kluwe writings, check out the article Nate Jackson wrote about him here, and then Kluwe’s amazing response found here!