These are so true!
These are so true!
Posted by jayaye1587 on September 6, 2013
I recently became a teacher at a high school and this seems to fit perfectly. Well done College Humor.
Posted by jayaye1587 on August 20, 2013
The Return of the King is an awesome movie. But, if you watch it again, you’ll notice that there are roughly seven different times where the movie could have comfortably ended, and then another ending scene is tacked on. You can argue the value of most of these unnecessary scenes, but not the part when Frodo wakes up in the enormous bed and then everyone comes in to excitedly greet him and have lots of weird slow laughter and creepy soft light that makes everybody look like cherub figurines. It’s embarrassing to watch.
For many Superman fans, Superman I is the Superman movie. It is a perfect gem of superhero goodness. Everyone who thinks that is correct, but they’ve also definitely forgotten about this incredibly stupid scene when Superman takes Lois Lane flying. I’m not even referring to the obvious physics flaw in her being able to fly straight when he’s just holding onto her hand, even though she would logically just be hanging beneath him. We can ignore that because this is a movie about a flying, invincible man. But we can’t ignore the weird, bad poem of Lois’s internal monologue. Why is this in the movie? Silent flying would have been 1000 times better.
The sequels to The Matrix were so bad that it can be hard to remember that the first Matrix movie was actually really good. It introduced a exciting world with an interesting and fresh look at the potential of technology. And it also had a bunch of really cool parts, like that bit when he stops the helicopter from falling, or when he dies but then doesn’t die. Remember those parts? So good. You know the part you probably don’t remember because you carefully wiped it from your memory? The last 10 seconds of the movie when Keanu Reeves steps out of the phone booth and then flies while Rage Against the Machine plays. Oof. We all knew the sequels could only be shit after that scene.
Get it? It’s a movie about liars and turncloaks and…rats. So, you know, wouldn’t it just be so poignant to have a rat just kind of walk by in the last shot of the movie? That way the audience will really get what this movie is about.
Ok, yes, pretty much every scene involving computers that was filmed in the 80s or early 90s was beyond idiotic, but this particular scene, in the midst of an exquisitely crafted climax, with every audience member trembling with perfectly timed terror, is just unbearably stupid. There is probably no moment in cinematic history that made more people look at a little girl and think, “Oh shut the fuck up.”
Kenneth Branagh’s four-hour film of Hamlet was critically acclaimed at the time, and is still considered one of the best film iterations of a Shakespeare play. But it also contains one of the absolute dumbest scenes in film history: Hamlet throws a fucking sword across the room and into Claudius’s chest. There isn’t even any point in me explaining what’s so stupid about it. Just watch.
Most the stupid scenes I’ve chosen to highlight on this list come from the ends of movies, which probably says something about how hard it is to end a movie well. Harry Potter and the entire magnificent series had a perfect ending after the Battle of Hogwarts, with the new dawn of freedom and potential. And then god damn J.K. Rowling slapped on a trite, sappy, all out fanfiction-y epilogue and ruined an otherwise ideal ending. She took these young, strong heros and made them chunky, bland parents. Fuck this fucking scene.
Posted by jayaye1587 on August 6, 2013
It’s the capitol, it’s full of corrupt people vying for titles, and it’s built on the backs of the poor. Everyone is vying for the Iron Throne and it’s hard to figure out who to root for.
Beautiful in the summer and uninhabitable in the winter. The inhabitants incorrectly think their city is the center of the empire. It is, however, the only real city in its region. (Providence? Really?) The people there are honorable and resilient, and spend much of their time watching sports. Not many black people.
A highly trafficked route from Winterfell to King’s Landing, the road is littered with inns and merchants. There are also many bandits who live alongside it in dangerous places like New Haven, Newark, and Baltimore.
It’s cold, it’s vast, and it’s terrifying. But the wildlings are a good people once you get to know them. Also it’s governed by a monarch far away who doesn’t actually hold any real power in the people’s minds.
This is all that separates us from the unknown terror of the great white north. Also it’s manned by a bunch of humorless guys that don’t get laid.
Cold, wet, gray, and nicknamed for metal, this is a place that was once prominent but is now full of working class people and pirates. And the pirates have been horrible for many years.
The regional capital (and the financial center of the Empire), it used to be ruled by a different group – until they were tricked into trusting a foreigner. Now it’s ruled by rich people who think they’re better parents than they are.
Situated close to the main city, but far enough away that the citizens don’t need to be bothered. Also, it’s full of money and incest.
It’s rich, and it’s on the way to most things. But the governing of it seems to be cursed as no one can rule it for long. And it burnt down once.
Due to its fearsome beasts with great abilities to travel, this was once the center of the world and a shining jewel of civilization. But then a cataclysmic event rendered it a smoldering ruin of its former glory. The only thing that endures is a bit of their ancient music. And the secrets of manufacturing things there have long been forgotten.
Remote area known for women, wine, and boringness.
A stronghold of the north but nowhere near as important as the center of the region. And unless you’re from here, living here is torture.
A wealthy port city, the inhabitants think that it’s the greatest city that ever was or will be, and yet no one outside the city cares. Filled with many rich creepy people.
A location that would be pointless were it not a river crossing en route to other, better places. It’s filled with homely women with the occasional hot one sprinkled in. Also, weddings here can get out of hand.
There are two main characteristics: it’s surrounded by rough sea, and it’s known far and wide for its pleasure houses.
In the far reaches of the realm, it is known as a flowery place with lax sexual attitudes. Also a garden of high.
A rich, old coastal village where the slaves aren’t allowed to ever touch the nobility.
A coastal city with a mighty fortress on the Bay. And it’s gay friendly.
A desert town that is known for its sex slaves and incompetent defenses.
Incorrectly thinks it’s an independent country just because everyone there has weapons. Meanwhile most people who live in the capitol are unaware that this is a place.
The cultural center of a vast wasteland, where the barbaric activities of the surrounding areas are banned within city walls. Full of people who struck out on their own because they hate their parents.
Posted by jayaye1587 on July 22, 2013
College Humor is asking for the public’s help in making the list of the best fictional athlete! Who’s your favorite movie/tv athlete? Help decide once and for all by voting below – feel free to be as thoughtful or as completely-biased as you want!
Posted by jayaye1587 on July 8, 2013
Posted by jayaye1587 on June 25, 2013