If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers!

BY ANDREW BRIDGMAN / SEPTEMBER 4, 2013

Daenerys Targaryen

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers

Rayquaza, Reshiram, and Zekrom: These three dragon-type Pokemon represent Daenerys’ three dragons – the green Rhaegal, the white Viserion, and the black Drogon.

Rapidash: The fiery horse Pokemon represents Khal Drogo, leader of the horselords of Essos, who trekked across the burnt desert with Daenerys as his Khaleesi.

Ursaring: The bear represents Ser Jorah Mormont, of Bear Island – Daenerys’ bodyguard and advisor.

Hydreigon: The three-headed dragon-type Pokemon represents House Targaryen’s sigil of a three-headed dragon. I know she already has three dragons in this, but c’mon, just go with it.

Jon Snow

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers

Glaceon: The ice-type Eevee evolution represents Ghost, Jon Snow’s direwolf companion.

Beartic: The ice-type bear Pokemon represents Jon Snow’s home in the icy North.

Murkow: The crow Pokemon represents Jon Snow’s pledge to the Night’s Watch – who often are referred to as ‘crows’ by the Wildlings.

Cubone: The ground-type, mother’s skull-wearing Pokemon represents the death of Jon Snow’s mother, an event that has defined him for much of his life. Also, like Cubone, Jon Snow is sad ALL THE TIME.

Lampent: Lampents steal spirits away, sorta like those ice-zombie things north of the Wall. Also, they’re ghosts, and Jon Snow has a direwolf named Ghost? Yeah, it’s a stretch, but so is the entire idea of Pokemon existing in this series.

Froslass: Well, this is a ghost and an ice-type. Jon Snow’s always up in the ice, plus his last name is ‘Snow,’ and the whole “having a dog named Ghost” thing. Although, if we’re being honest here, Jon Snow’s got a lot on his hands already, he doesn’t really have time to be training Pokemon. And if he were training Pokemon for some reason, he probably would just make the best team he possibly could – not stick to some kind of personal “theme.” Like, he probably wouldn’t really want THREE Ice-types.

Tyrion Lannister

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers

Entei: It’s a lion? And that’s the sigil of House Lannister? I know it’s a Legendary Pokemon and all, but whatever, maybe they bought it somehow. Yeah, let’s go with that. The Lannisters would probably just buy a bunch of awesome Pokemon.

Meowth: He likes money. I mean, he sucks, but the whole money thing works pretty well, right?

Sableye: When I googled “Imp Pokemon,” he was the first one to come up, so here we are.

Ludicolo: He seems like he’d be a big party guy Pokemon, right? Tyrion’s pretty down with partying too. Also, there was no “wine Pokemon.” Or “grape Pokemon.” Maybe there will be in X/Y though, so maybe I should have held off on this another month or so.

Snorlax: He’s lazy? Tyrion’s pretty lazy for a while in the beginning.

Missingno: Well, many in Westeros view little people as aberrations from nature, so…well, I know Missingno isn’t “technically” an actual Pokemon but…c’mon guys. Are you gonna start disagreeing or something? These are two entirely separate fantasy universes, so agreeing or disagreeing is pointless. There are no Pokemon in Westeros, period. This is just one guy on the internet combining two things the internet likes with a bare minimum amount of logic applied. I mean, if Pokemon WERE in this world, the entire history would probably be a whole lot different. Really, if any society had Pokemon that were real in it, everyone would be dead so fast. Like, look at some of these things. There are so many dragons and fire-horses and ghosts and FLOATINGWHALES and all kinds of crazy monsters that would kill everything in their path. Then again, pretty much everyone in these books do get horribly killed. So maybe it DOES make sense to put them together?

All I know is that if you WERE going to combine Pokemon and Game of Thrones, you would pretty much haveto have Melisandre giving birth to a Gastly.

All right. Fine.

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers
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Videogames vs Real Life!

Click here for Part 1!

 

From dorkly.com

17 People at Comic Conventions!

To all my friends at SDCC, enjoy your weekend!!

17 More People You See At Every Nerd Convention

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After!

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

There’s always a lot of grumbling whenever a new generation of Pokemon games come out – primarily that Nintendo is scraping the bottom of the PokeWell and coming out with ridiculously stupid designs for Pokemon, like ice cream cones and ghost swords. But the truth is that Nintendo has always included incredibly dumb Pokemon designs (with some even dumber names), ever since the very beginning. Here are 8 first generation Pokemon that are dumber than anything that came after.

8. Porygon

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “Hey, you know what’s crazy? Computers. What about a computer program Pokemon? Yeah, sure it can exist in the real world, even though it’s explicitly made of virtual polygons.”

Porygon’s an incredibly dumb idea for a Pokemon. It’s literally made of programming code, but it somehow interacts with the physical world. In other words, it makes no sense at all and Nintendo just thought it would be neat to have some kind of Pokemon to take advantage of the “computer” fad that was sweeping the world.

How Lazy Is The Name: It’s like Polygon, but we replaced the L with an R for some reason. Possibly to sound like an incredibly racist impression of a Japanese person? We can only hope.

7. Lickitung

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “It’s like…a dinosaur or something. That’s not important. What is important is that it has a huge tongue. Like bigger than a normal tongue would be. Also, it’s always out for some reason. That’s enough to justify an entire Pokemon, right?”

This is why no one should ever listen to KISS and try to design a Pokemon at the same time.

How Lazy Is The Name: Well, it has a big tongue and is named ‘Lickitung.’ It would take a lot of effort to think of something lazier than that.

6. Snorlax

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “A fat, sleeping…thing. Maybe a cat? Who cares? The point is, it’s very sleepy and fat.”

The mark of a truly lazy Pokemon design is that it’s doesn’t hold up too well when you begin to question the design. What is Snorlax? A cat? A bear? Nobody really knows (just kidding, I’m sure there is extensive documentation on Snorlax’s exact physiology, because literally every corner of the Pokemon world has been filled in by the internet). But the primary attributes that were given to Snorlax are “Fat” and “Likes To Sleep.” Sound familiar?

THEY TURNED GARFIELD INTO A POKEMON.

How Lazy Is The Name: Snore + Relax = Snorlax! Actually, not bad – it rolls off the tongue nicely and takes some effort to figure out, and at least it isn’t named “Fatsleep” or “Obesetired” or “Garfield The Pokemon But Like Blue Or Something Who Cares.”

5 Magnemite

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

 

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

 

4. Exeggutor

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “Remember that group of eggs that are a single Pokemon? Well they evolve into a palm tree. A walking palm tree. A walking palm tree that’s growing eggs (we’ll call them ‘seeds’ in the Pokedex entry, but c’mon, those are clearly sentient eggs).”

What IS Exeggutor? A walking tree with eggs hanging off it (less eggs than it evolved from, no less)? I don’t know, and neither does Pokemon. Instead of having Exeggcute evolve into a bunch of chickens or something, they realized they needed another grass-type and had it turn into…this thing.

How Lazy Is The Name: The name is actually awesome. As much as you can grumble about a palm tree with eggs, you can’t say this name isn’t cool. Well, you can, but you’d be wrong.

3. Jynx

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “It’s, like, a lady. But she doesn’t have a nose. But she’s pretty much just a person. Also, is blackface still an okay thing?”

Jynx is very close to just being a short, stout lady without a nose (also with some seriously racist-as-hell origins). It’s more or less a person, but has some traits in line with various Nordic and Japanese folklore that saves it from being “a blonde lady who is a Pokemon.” Still, it looks a lot like a blonde lady who is a Pokemon.

How Lazy Is The Name: Jynx isn’t a bad name, and it actually seems pretty prescient on the part of the developers to name the Pokemon after a word that means “bad luck,” given the headaches this Pokemon gave them from people who were anti-racism.

2. Voltorb

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “We need some filler Pokemon. Like, something we already have a design for that’s incredibly simple, but with eyes or whatever. Oh, I know – we already have all these Pokeball sprites. Why not just put some eyes on ’em and call it a Pokemon? Hell yeah.”

I would say the odds are pretty good that someone realized that every item was represented as a Pokeball, but it might be good to surprise the player every now and then by having the item turn out to be a Pokemon in disguise. But to make it almost make sense, they decided to have a Pokemon who just happens to look just like a Pokeball. They didn’t bother to think “oh, this is really, really dumb.” I don’t think it’s any coincidence that this Pokemon’s signature move is “kill itself.” Even Voltorb knows it probably shouldn’t exist.

How Lazy Is The Name: The name ‘Voltorb’ is actually pretty good – ‘volt’ as an indicator of its electric-type attribute, and ‘orb’ because it’s a spherical object. Really, it’s half-way decent name is the only thing keeping this thing from the #1 slot.

Speaking of…

1. Mr. Mime

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “I saw a mime once. What if that human being in make-up pretending to be stuck in a box was a Pokemon?”

Mr. Mime is basically a person. Just a regular person. Not an animal, not an inanimate object, not a made-up thing. Nothing implying supernatural powers or abilities that would be useful in battle. A human entertainer. It’s hard to imagine someone at Nintendo hadn’t just seen a mime outside and said “eh, that guy could be a Pokemon.”

How Lazy Is The Name: Here’s the issue – Mr. Mime and Jynx are both very lazily-designed Pokemon. They’re both pretty much “people who are Pokemon for some reason.” But Jynx at least makes an attempt to be something more with the design and ice-type implying connections to some supernatural folklore stuff. Mr. Mime doesn’t do that.

But worst of all – IT’S ACTUALLY NAMED “MISTER MIME.” It would be impossible to think of a lazier name than this, because it even sounds like someone desperately trying to think of a name at the last second and coming up empty. “Mister…Mime?” Hell, even calling him “Mimey” would have been better.

 

By Andrew Bridgman at Dorkly.com

5 Quotes From Star Wars That Are Total Lies!

Mos Eisley is a sorta scummy place, I guess – there are some rough characters there who would pull a blaster on you at the drop of a hat (not noble hero Han Solo though. No, he would only pull a blaster to defend himself). However, Obi-Wan telling Luke he would never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy was more than a little disingenuous, considering there’s a FAR more wretched hive of scum and villainy located ON THE SAME PLANET.

That’s right – Jabba’s palace, a hive that’s 20 times more wretched and scummy and villainous. There’s a fat slug guy who keeps a human being frozen in carbonite as a conversation piece, regularly abuses his slaves, and has no problem feeding his servants to the giant cave monster who lives in his basement. Also, his idea of a good time is throwing people into a toothy sphincter in the middle of the desert.

Compared to that, the Mos Eisley Spaceport is practically a neighborhood Applebee’s.


 

 

5 Quotes From Star Wars That Are Just Total Lies

Unless the most powerful thing Darth Vader can imagine is a partially-transparent advice-giving ghost, Obi-Wan’s kinda full of bullshit here. He actually becomes pretty much entirely powerless – he gives Luke some tips (as a voice in his head) and chats with Yoda a little. That’s not very powerful at all, especially considering he’s standing on a space station that literally blows up planets when he makes this claim. That alone is infinitely more powerful than what Obi-Wan becomes.

You know what Obi-Wan should have done with his ghost-powers? Mess with Vader CONSTANTLY. He’s now a ghost who can show up anywhere in the galaxy at will. Just annoy Vader for the rest of his life. Follow him around and scream at him, keep him up at night by yodeling, tell everyone in the Empire embarrassing secrets about Anakin’s past (“Ol’ Darth there’s childhood nickname was ‘Annie.’ Haha, no, I’m totes serious, you guys!”). You’re a GHOST. Why not actually make use of that ability?

Then again, maybe he thought hanging around in a newbie pilot’s head and chatting with a swamp Muppet was a better use of his ultimate power.


 

 

5 Quotes From Star Wars That Are Just Total Lies

YES, YES IT IS. Are you kidding, Yoda? Hell, you were even BEATEN in a big Dark vs. Light battle, which is why you’re living in a swamp by yourself tricking farmboys into giving you piggyback rides.

The Dark Side has FORCE-LIGHTNING. What does the Light Side have? Turning yourself into a helpless ghost? Lifting rocks? And if you wanna go extended universe on this (which is never a good idea), THE DARKSIDE CAN CAUSE FORCE-WORMHOLES THAT CAN RIP WORLDS APART. Meanwhile, the Light side has such kickass powers as “animal friendship” – which looks like this:

5 Quotes From Star Wars That Are Total Lies

Plus, the Light Side is full of lame-o Jedis who aren’t allowed to have girlfriends or show emotions ever. The point is, the Dark Side rules.


 

 

5 Quotes From Star Wars That Are Just Total Lies

Mark Hamill is 5’9″. Not too tall or anything, but definitely not short. Hell, Jango Fett (as played by Temuera Morrison) – who was the model for ALL Stormtroopers back in the clone days, was only 5’7″. By those standards, Luke is actually unusually tall for a Stormtrooper.

Also, maybe Leia shouldn’t be making such sassy remarks to the people who have a floating torture-robot they can use whenever they feel like it. Or, ya know, a space station that can blow up entire planets.


 

 

5 Quotes From Star Wars That Are Just Total Lies

Those were totally the droids they were looking for.

 

From Dorkly.com

Next Gen Consoles as Game of Thrones Characters!

There is something to this I guess…What new systems will you guys be getting?

Next Gen Consoles as Game of Thrones Characters