If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers!

BY ANDREW BRIDGMAN / SEPTEMBER 4, 2013

Daenerys Targaryen

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers

Rayquaza, Reshiram, and Zekrom: These three dragon-type Pokemon represent Daenerys’ three dragons – the green Rhaegal, the white Viserion, and the black Drogon.

Rapidash: The fiery horse Pokemon represents Khal Drogo, leader of the horselords of Essos, who trekked across the burnt desert with Daenerys as his Khaleesi.

Ursaring: The bear represents Ser Jorah Mormont, of Bear Island – Daenerys’ bodyguard and advisor.

Hydreigon: The three-headed dragon-type Pokemon represents House Targaryen’s sigil of a three-headed dragon. I know she already has three dragons in this, but c’mon, just go with it.

Jon Snow

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers

Glaceon: The ice-type Eevee evolution represents Ghost, Jon Snow’s direwolf companion.

Beartic: The ice-type bear Pokemon represents Jon Snow’s home in the icy North.

Murkow: The crow Pokemon represents Jon Snow’s pledge to the Night’s Watch – who often are referred to as ‘crows’ by the Wildlings.

Cubone: The ground-type, mother’s skull-wearing Pokemon represents the death of Jon Snow’s mother, an event that has defined him for much of his life. Also, like Cubone, Jon Snow is sad ALL THE TIME.

Lampent: Lampents steal spirits away, sorta like those ice-zombie things north of the Wall. Also, they’re ghosts, and Jon Snow has a direwolf named Ghost? Yeah, it’s a stretch, but so is the entire idea of Pokemon existing in this series.

Froslass: Well, this is a ghost and an ice-type. Jon Snow’s always up in the ice, plus his last name is ‘Snow,’ and the whole “having a dog named Ghost” thing. Although, if we’re being honest here, Jon Snow’s got a lot on his hands already, he doesn’t really have time to be training Pokemon. And if he were training Pokemon for some reason, he probably would just make the best team he possibly could – not stick to some kind of personal “theme.” Like, he probably wouldn’t really want THREE Ice-types.

Tyrion Lannister

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers

Entei: It’s a lion? And that’s the sigil of House Lannister? I know it’s a Legendary Pokemon and all, but whatever, maybe they bought it somehow. Yeah, let’s go with that. The Lannisters would probably just buy a bunch of awesome Pokemon.

Meowth: He likes money. I mean, he sucks, but the whole money thing works pretty well, right?

Sableye: When I googled “Imp Pokemon,” he was the first one to come up, so here we are.

Ludicolo: He seems like he’d be a big party guy Pokemon, right? Tyrion’s pretty down with partying too. Also, there was no “wine Pokemon.” Or “grape Pokemon.” Maybe there will be in X/Y though, so maybe I should have held off on this another month or so.

Snorlax: He’s lazy? Tyrion’s pretty lazy for a while in the beginning.

Missingno: Well, many in Westeros view little people as aberrations from nature, so…well, I know Missingno isn’t “technically” an actual Pokemon but…c’mon guys. Are you gonna start disagreeing or something? These are two entirely separate fantasy universes, so agreeing or disagreeing is pointless. There are no Pokemon in Westeros, period. This is just one guy on the internet combining two things the internet likes with a bare minimum amount of logic applied. I mean, if Pokemon WERE in this world, the entire history would probably be a whole lot different. Really, if any society had Pokemon that were real in it, everyone would be dead so fast. Like, look at some of these things. There are so many dragons and fire-horses and ghosts and FLOATINGWHALES and all kinds of crazy monsters that would kill everything in their path. Then again, pretty much everyone in these books do get horribly killed. So maybe it DOES make sense to put them together?

All I know is that if you WERE going to combine Pokemon and Game of Thrones, you would pretty much haveto have Melisandre giving birth to a Gastly.

All right. Fine.

If Game of Thrones Characters Were Pokemon Trainers
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8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After!

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

There’s always a lot of grumbling whenever a new generation of Pokemon games come out – primarily that Nintendo is scraping the bottom of the PokeWell and coming out with ridiculously stupid designs for Pokemon, like ice cream cones and ghost swords. But the truth is that Nintendo has always included incredibly dumb Pokemon designs (with some even dumber names), ever since the very beginning. Here are 8 first generation Pokemon that are dumber than anything that came after.

8. Porygon

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “Hey, you know what’s crazy? Computers. What about a computer program Pokemon? Yeah, sure it can exist in the real world, even though it’s explicitly made of virtual polygons.”

Porygon’s an incredibly dumb idea for a Pokemon. It’s literally made of programming code, but it somehow interacts with the physical world. In other words, it makes no sense at all and Nintendo just thought it would be neat to have some kind of Pokemon to take advantage of the “computer” fad that was sweeping the world.

How Lazy Is The Name: It’s like Polygon, but we replaced the L with an R for some reason. Possibly to sound like an incredibly racist impression of a Japanese person? We can only hope.

7. Lickitung

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “It’s like…a dinosaur or something. That’s not important. What is important is that it has a huge tongue. Like bigger than a normal tongue would be. Also, it’s always out for some reason. That’s enough to justify an entire Pokemon, right?”

This is why no one should ever listen to KISS and try to design a Pokemon at the same time.

How Lazy Is The Name: Well, it has a big tongue and is named ‘Lickitung.’ It would take a lot of effort to think of something lazier than that.

6. Snorlax

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “A fat, sleeping…thing. Maybe a cat? Who cares? The point is, it’s very sleepy and fat.”

The mark of a truly lazy Pokemon design is that it’s doesn’t hold up too well when you begin to question the design. What is Snorlax? A cat? A bear? Nobody really knows (just kidding, I’m sure there is extensive documentation on Snorlax’s exact physiology, because literally every corner of the Pokemon world has been filled in by the internet). But the primary attributes that were given to Snorlax are “Fat” and “Likes To Sleep.” Sound familiar?

THEY TURNED GARFIELD INTO A POKEMON.

How Lazy Is The Name: Snore + Relax = Snorlax! Actually, not bad – it rolls off the tongue nicely and takes some effort to figure out, and at least it isn’t named “Fatsleep” or “Obesetired” or “Garfield The Pokemon But Like Blue Or Something Who Cares.”

5 Magnemite

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

 

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

 

4. Exeggutor

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “Remember that group of eggs that are a single Pokemon? Well they evolve into a palm tree. A walking palm tree. A walking palm tree that’s growing eggs (we’ll call them ‘seeds’ in the Pokedex entry, but c’mon, those are clearly sentient eggs).”

What IS Exeggutor? A walking tree with eggs hanging off it (less eggs than it evolved from, no less)? I don’t know, and neither does Pokemon. Instead of having Exeggcute evolve into a bunch of chickens or something, they realized they needed another grass-type and had it turn into…this thing.

How Lazy Is The Name: The name is actually awesome. As much as you can grumble about a palm tree with eggs, you can’t say this name isn’t cool. Well, you can, but you’d be wrong.

3. Jynx

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “It’s, like, a lady. But she doesn’t have a nose. But she’s pretty much just a person. Also, is blackface still an okay thing?”

Jynx is very close to just being a short, stout lady without a nose (also with some seriously racist-as-hell origins). It’s more or less a person, but has some traits in line with various Nordic and Japanese folklore that saves it from being “a blonde lady who is a Pokemon.” Still, it looks a lot like a blonde lady who is a Pokemon.

How Lazy Is The Name: Jynx isn’t a bad name, and it actually seems pretty prescient on the part of the developers to name the Pokemon after a word that means “bad luck,” given the headaches this Pokemon gave them from people who were anti-racism.

2. Voltorb

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “We need some filler Pokemon. Like, something we already have a design for that’s incredibly simple, but with eyes or whatever. Oh, I know – we already have all these Pokeball sprites. Why not just put some eyes on ’em and call it a Pokemon? Hell yeah.”

I would say the odds are pretty good that someone realized that every item was represented as a Pokeball, but it might be good to surprise the player every now and then by having the item turn out to be a Pokemon in disguise. But to make it almost make sense, they decided to have a Pokemon who just happens to look just like a Pokeball. They didn’t bother to think “oh, this is really, really dumb.” I don’t think it’s any coincidence that this Pokemon’s signature move is “kill itself.” Even Voltorb knows it probably shouldn’t exist.

How Lazy Is The Name: The name ‘Voltorb’ is actually pretty good – ‘volt’ as an indicator of its electric-type attribute, and ‘orb’ because it’s a spherical object. Really, it’s half-way decent name is the only thing keeping this thing from the #1 slot.

Speaking of…

1. Mr. Mime

8 First Generation Pokemon Dumber Than Anything That Came After

Pitch: “I saw a mime once. What if that human being in make-up pretending to be stuck in a box was a Pokemon?”

Mr. Mime is basically a person. Just a regular person. Not an animal, not an inanimate object, not a made-up thing. Nothing implying supernatural powers or abilities that would be useful in battle. A human entertainer. It’s hard to imagine someone at Nintendo hadn’t just seen a mime outside and said “eh, that guy could be a Pokemon.”

How Lazy Is The Name: Here’s the issue – Mr. Mime and Jynx are both very lazily-designed Pokemon. They’re both pretty much “people who are Pokemon for some reason.” But Jynx at least makes an attempt to be something more with the design and ice-type implying connections to some supernatural folklore stuff. Mr. Mime doesn’t do that.

But worst of all – IT’S ACTUALLY NAMED “MISTER MIME.” It would be impossible to think of a lazier name than this, because it even sounds like someone desperately trying to think of a name at the last second and coming up empty. “Mister…Mime?” Hell, even calling him “Mimey” would have been better.

 

By Andrew Bridgman at Dorkly.com

Realistic Pokemon Drawings!

DeviantArt-ist Arvalis has put together a pretty sizable collection of incredibly realistic Pokemon designs – with a trainer silhouette in each to show the sheer scale of these ‘mons. But one of the coolest parts of these designs is how other Pokemon are subtly worked into many of them (notice the Caterpie in the Charizard one below).

Incredible Pokemon Fan Art - Image 1
Incredible Pokemon Fan Art - Image 1
Incredible Pokemon Fan Art - Image 1
Incredible Pokemon Fan Art - Image 1
Incredible Pokemon Fan Art - Image 1

Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokémon!

The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokmon - Image 11

The entire concept of having animals evolve into insanely-powerful beast monsters by beating the crap out of others in battle (or by being exposed to stones, being traded, etc.) is pretty ridiculous in and of itself. But it’s not too difficult suspending your disbelief when the end result is a fire-breathing dragon who remains loyal to you (despite the fact you’re forcing it to fight a bird who shoots lightning). But there are some specific evolutions that are extremely weird, even in the already-weird field of Pokemon evolutions. These are the 10 weirdest evolutions in Pokemon.

10. Cubone into Marowak

The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokemon - Image 1

Cubone’s life kinda sucks – he’s so upset at the death of his mother (remember, this is an entire species of Pokemon, meaning they all are bereaved over the deaths of each of their individual mothers), that he literally wears her skull, which may not be the most emotionally-healthy coping tactic. Then again, in some deeply, deeply messed up way, his mother is still protecting poor little Cubone – since her skull now acts as his helmet. It’s definitely indicative of some kind of creepy Norman Bates/Mother relationship, but it’s mostly harmless.

Where it gets weird is when Cubone evolves into Marowak. Essentially, Marowak’s just a bigger Cubone, which isn’t all that weird. What is weird is that Marowak is defined by having gotten over the death of its mother (remember: AS A SPECIES, Marowaks have ALL gotten over the deaths of their individual mothers), but stillwears a skull on its head. But it’s specifically NOT its mother’s! Meaning…Marowak found some random dead Pokemon’s bigger skull and is wearing that now? Something tells me Marowak hasn’t quite reached the closure it claims to have.

9. Fish That Turn Into Entirely Different Kinds of Fish

The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokemon - Image 4

A lot of Pokemon have weird evolutions, where the following form bears little resemblance to the original. But, for whatever reason, this seems a lot more pronounced in a lot of fish Pokemon. Carvanha (a Pokemon resembling a piranha) evolves into Sharpedo (a Pokemon resembling a shark – which is not a type of piranha). Maybe this was just a weird in-joke, since the film Piranha was a cheap rip-off of Jaws? What’s weirder is Magikarp and Feebas, two fish Pokemon that look very similar, each evolve into things that are not really fish at all. Magikarp notably turns into a Chinese dragon-looking thing called Gyarados, and Feebas turns into some kind of majestic eel known as Milotic.

There are actually a lot more examples: Remoraid (which resembles a pet fish) turns into Octillery (an octopus). The normal Poliwag to Poliwrath evolution chain can take a total left turn and evolve into Politoed (which is a frog, instead of a weird blue thing with a spiral-patterned stomach). Clamperl (a clam/pearl combination, shockingly) turns into some type of eel, either Gorebyss or Huntail (depending what kind of item you make Clamperl hold onto). Then again, I don’t know a whole lot about fish, so maybe clams turning into eels is the norm under the sea.

8. Baby Pokemon Who Just Start Hanging Out

The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokemon - Image 1

Let’s say you’re hanging out with two friends. Fun, right? Oh, also one other thing: DID YOU REALIZE YOUJUST EVOLVED INTO A HIGHER LIFEFORM? Because you did. Well, at least according to the rules of Pokemon, where three Digletts equal one Dugtrio that can be treated as a single entity.

7. Voltorb into Electrode

The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokemon - Image 8

Basically, Electrode is just a bigger version of Voltorb, but the top and bottom colors have been switched for some reason. It seems pretty arbitrary, and is definitely odd, but not necessarily odd enough to get itself on this list. What’s real weird is that it gains a mouth too. Where there was no mouth before (essentially just a Pokemon with eyes), it now has a mouth and teeth and everything. The existence of a mouth at all indicates it needs to eat and breath. How that was happening when it was a mouthless Voltorb is a mystery for only the bravest Pokemon fanfic writers.

6. Geodude into Graveler into Golem

The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokemon - Image 8

Geodude and Graveler follow a pretty normal evolutionary pattern: it starts out as a little rock creature, it grows into a bigger rock creature. But something weird happens when Graveler evolves into Golem – it turns from a creature made entirely out of rock to a what looks like a lizard-like thing trapped inside a boulder. The point is, it goes from all rock to some kind of organic creature living inside a rock, like when Dwayne Johnson emerged from The Rock.

5. Pokemon That Hold Different Things

The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokemon - Image 4

With evolution comes the use of more complex tools – this is evident in the fossil records of humanity’s own history. However, “holding two spoons instead of one spoon” is a little different twist on that concept. In the transition from Kadabra to Alakazam, the Pokemon grows a bit, but the primary difference is that it is now holding one additional spoon. Likewise, the “urr” line of Pokemon from Black/White (Timburr, Gurdurr, and Conkeldurr) get bigger and stronger, but tow different types of beams along with them (wood to steel to rock, respectively). Why each species has a specific type of beam is a little strange – surely Conkeldurr (side note: these Pokemon have some of the most insulting-feeling names) would do better with a steel beam than a couple of rock ones, right? Nope – he’s evolved now, so he has to use rocks.

It could be worse, though. Poor Farfetch’d holds a leek normally, but in his evolved form he – OH WAIT, Farfetch’d doesn’t HAVE an evolved form. It’s stuck holding an onion as its only weapon for the rest of eternity. Someone get that Pokemon some Burn Heal.

4. Munna into Musharna

The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokemon - Image 4

Munna and Musharna look largely similar – the primary difference is that Munna is defined by eating dreams, while Musharna is defined by…emanating a mist from its forehead packed with the dreams it had eaten. So, in other words, when Munna evolves, it farts out all the dreams it had eaten…out of its face. Basically, it’s just completing a single digestive cycle.

Imagine how congested and uncomfortable Munna must be feeling when it’s full. If you don’t evolve it, it can’t fart out all the dreams it ate. If you stopped it’s evolution, odds are it’s colon would straight up explode, and you would be showered with dream-feces.

3. Every Ghost-Type Pokemon

The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokemon - Image 8

There is a creepy, never-really-talked-about thing in Pokemon. Actually, there are probably a lot of things that are creepy and never discussed in Pokemon, but specifically we’re talking about Ghost-type Pokemon here. The implication is that they’re dead spirits of former living beings, unnaturally beholden to this plane of existence for some reason. Even more unsettling, they can still be captured and trained by children for what amounts to insane, superpowered cockfights. Where it gets even weirder is that a lot of these Ghost-type Pokemon can evolve into new Pokemon entirely.

Part of the key to understanding evolution is that a thing must be alive to evolve. That’s important. Dead things do not evolve, since evolution has a lot to do with survival. Ethereal spirits specifically did not survive. Yet, somehow, they continue to change and evolve long after their deaths. Little ghost candles turn into ghost chandeliers, Gastly turns into Gengar, etc. Ghosts shouldn’t be able to change, due to the rules of being of a ghost. If they can evolve – are they really ghosts?

Then again, you could always play Pokemon in “Ghostbuster Mode” (where you catch all Ghost-type Pokemon with Electric-type moves and store all ghosts in a PC Box) and never have to bother asking yourselves these questions.

2. The Pokemon Dies

The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokemon - Image 4

Pokemon have it hard enough – they are constantly being forced to battle each other and face off against horrifying powers, being blasted with lightning strikes and having their mind torn apart by psychic cats. But through all of this, pretty much the worst thing that can happen to them is that they faint at the end. Which, all things considered, is actually not too shabby. While there are a few implied deaths of Pokemon throughout the series (lookin’ at you, Blue’s Raticate), it’s extremely rare. Even rarer, what if literally murdering your Pokemon was what made it evolve? That’s case for Snorunt.

Snorunt is an Ice-type. He’s a cute little guy who survives by eating snow and ice. And he can evolve into the pretty normal evolution of Glalie (also an Ice-type). But there’s another possibility. If you expose Snorunt to the Dawn Stone, it “evolves” into Froslass. But Froslass is a Ghost-type, implying that Snorunt died in the process – since it was made of ice and was exposed to the burning heat of the Dawn Stone. So yes – you killed a Pokemon to make it evolve. As if enslaving and fighting animals didn’t make you enough of a sociopath monster.

Note: Shedinja is a weird example – it is the shell of a Pokemon that evolved, but somehow still exists as a separate entity, as if the spirit of the original Pokemon split in two. Does it retain the consciousness of the original Pokemon, Nincada? The Pokedex entries claim it’s an “empty shell that came to life”, which is bringing up even more questions no one wants answered. Reminder: this is a game intended for all ages.

1. Pokemon That Literally Grow Additional Heads

The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokemon - Image 1

Listen – it’s definitely weird to grow additional limbs where there were no limbs before. There was a whole arc on the Spider-Man cartoon about how confusing it can be for a young person to grow new arms, like an after-school special mutated-gene puberty. Machamp, I’m sure it’s real tough being you.

But growing extra HEADS? That’s like some David Cronenberg-level existential nightmare shit. Entirely new consciousnesses are being spawned when you evolve a Doduo or a Deino, which is pretty horrifying – but worse, they’re sprouting attached to the same body as the other head. Imagine entering the world, only to discover you have to share a body with someone who’s been there for a while. Oh, also you’re the enslaved property of some sociopath 11 year old who’s going to pit you in fights to the death with random animals. And if you’re a Dodrio, you kinda suck, so – best case scenario – you become an HM slave and have to fly the kid around the world (EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T HAVE WINGS CAPABLE OF FLIGHT). Worst case scenario? You get forgotten in a Bill’s PC somewhere and live on a flash drive for the rest of your life (assuming you call your existence a “life”).

 

From Dorkly.com

 

WHOA BRO! Fine…I Get Your Point…

New Pokémon Stuff is Great, Get Over It

High School Classmates as Pokemon!

Your High School Classmates Are Pokemon - Image 1

Your High School Classmates Are Pokemon - Image 1

Your High School Classmates Are Pokemon - Image 1

Your High School Classmates Are Pokemon - Image 11

Your High School Classmates Are Pokemon - Image 1

Your High School Classmates Are Pokemon - Image 1

Your High School Classmates Are Pokemon - Image 1

Your High School Classmates Are Pokemon - Image 1

Your High School Classmates Are Pokemon - Image 1

Your High School Classmates Are Pokemon - Image 1

Your High School Classmates Are Pokemon - Image 1