8 Fictional Girls You Were Supposed To Like But Who Actually Suck!

Most movies are about a guy who is love with a girl, but some movies do a truly terrible job making the girls that the guy loves seem at all appealing. Here are some girls we’re supposed to love who are actually terrible:

1. Kelly Kapowski in “Saved by the Bell,” Played by Tiffani Amber Thiessen

Zack Morris’ love for Kelly Kapowski was one of the driving forces of the entire series, and it never made any goddamn sense. Her character is a prime example of someone we were just supposed to be on board with loving for many years entirely because she was pretty. Prettiness can maybe buy you a year of believable infatuation, but beyond that, you really need some kind of personality. And Kelly didn’t have one of those. She was just a generic popular girl who never even laughed at Zack’s antics. Jessie Spano, on the other hand, now there’s a girl to get excited about.


2. Jenny in “Forrest Gump,” Played by Robin Wright

Jenny is supposed to be a fickle, uneven character that embodies the social change happening in Forrest’s lifetime. Ok. But that doesn’t mean she’s forgiven for always stringing him along and ditching him, then keeping his child a secret until she’s dying. That’s not the kind of girl you want your main character to end up with. Also, you know, that whole bit about the questionable ethics of making sexual advances towards a mentally impaired man. We can all agree that that’s pretty messed up, right?


3. Rita in “Groundhog Day,” Played by Andie MacDowell

Billy Murray spends lifetimes reliving the same day in this movie, and, by the end he’s learned compassion and the ability to appreciate life and those around him. That’s all very good, but, this otherwise perfect movie has one big flaw: Andie MacDowell. The pursuit of Andie MacDowell becomes the focus around which Bill Murray improves himself, which makes it really annoying that her character sucks so much. Her personality is gratingly ernest and dull—she always toasts to “world peace,” ugh—and she’s completely won over by cheesy bullshit, like ordering the same gross cocktail and that whole thing with the ice sculpture of her face, which any normal person would find creepy. There’s no way a man who has experienced near infinite days would be satisfied by someone so bland. Then again, there’s probably no way he could possibly live a satisfying life once the passage of time started up again. This kind of thing will really fuck you up.


4. Ramona Flowers in “Scott Pilgrim,” Played in the movie by Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Every socially awkward guy in the world fucking loves her and every “unique” girl wants to be her. They should stop. Not only is Ramona Flowers not a loveable character; she’s not even a good character. Granted, this world is supposed to be full of flawed, aimless twenty-somethings, but her dysfunction is entirely defined by inconsequential quirkiness like dying her hair and rollerskating, but doesn’t actually have any depth to warrant her flakiness, irresponsibility, and that whole part about forcing a guy she doesn’t even seem that interested in to battle all of her exes. That’s a completely dick move, and Scott Pilgrim is a real wiener for going along with it.
Kim Pine 4 Life.


5. Allison Scott in “Knocked Up,” Played by Katherine Heigl

Katherine Heigl is the Andie MacDowell of the 21st century. We’re supposed to be happy for Seth Rogen’s character at the end of the movie because he has this lovely little family and a newfound life purpose. But we can’t be happy because fucking Katherine Heigl is the worst. This is actually a situation where the character probably wouldn’t be so bad in another actress’ hands, but she takes ambition and a no-nonsense attitude and turns it into nagging, fun-killing, don’t-do-drugs-with-Paul-Rudd awfulness. I’m sure that Judd Apatow would agree with me when I say that, if time travel were invented, but the catch was that it could only be used for one purpose in the entire universe, it should be used to recast movies that stupidly cast charmless insufferable actors like Katherine Heigl.


6. Amanda Beckett in “Can’t Hardly Wait,” Played by Jennifer Love Hewitt

You might argue that this entire movie is incredibly stupid, and therefore, there’s no point in nitpicking the details. Well, you’re only half right. The movie IS majorly idiotic, but it also has a ton of funny characters and enjoyable plot lines, so it’s worth highlighting the fact that the main plot line, our protagonist’s life-long pursuit of this “amazing” girl, is complete shit because the object of his desire is a total blando. It’s not even possible to criticize her character on a more detailed scale because there is just nothing to her. Half of her screen time is her sulking on a couch. When the movie came out, the producers must have thought that Jennifer Love Hewitt was enough of a star that there didn’t need to be an qualifying characteristics necessary for the audience to love her as much as Ethan Embry did. But that Jennifer-Love-Hewitt-fan-club ship has sailed. If you watch this movie again, just fast-forward to the parts with Seth Green and Claire, from Six Feet Under.


7. Brandi (gag) in “Mallrats,” Played by Claire Forlani

You know you’re a shitty character when Shannen Doherty seems more appealing than you do. In fairness to Claire Forlani, Kevin Smith always writes terrible female characters, so it’s not all her fault, but that bad cover-up of a British accent sure didn’t help her seem like a less whiney, obnoxious, unloving jerk. She breaks up with a her boyfriend because he’s upset that she canceled the trip where he was planning to propose, in order to let her dad set her up with other guys. Also, her dad is way too much of a dick to think about marrying into that family. The next Thanksgiving after the events of this movie must have been a shitshow.


8. Carrie in “Four Weddings and a Funeral,” Played by Andie Fucking MacDowell

Rule 1: don’t fall in love with any woman who cheats on her fiancé with you.
Rule 2: don’t put Andie MacDowell in movies.


from collegehumor.com

Top 5 SitComs!

Situation comedies are fun shows that usually last 30 minutes and give us a shot of funny during our days. There was a huge boom of them back in the 90’s but some, of quality, can still be found today. The premise is that a group of characters share a common space, like a home, bar or office. Then these characters tend to spew jokes as part of the dialogue that, for them, will hopefully turn into cultural jokes. Most of them are also filmed in front of a live audience. Here are my top 5 sitcoms:

5. Family Guy – The only animated one to make my list, Family Guy can still be really funny. I think maybe it has lost its way a little bit, but back when it started it was pretty edgy and very funny. Maybe I remember it through the eyes of a college kid, but I certainly remember laughing a lot. A couple things Family Guy does super well is whenever someone falls, the way the bodies drop cracks me up and of course, the Star Wars episodes are spot on. It is cool that a nerd made a TV show that allows for good nerd references.

4. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air/Saved by the Bell – Both of these shows make it due to my childhood. No two shows would be watched more in my house or with more consistency than these two shows. Saved by the Bell especially. That show was on at 6am every morning in our house and my sisters and I  (and even my father, as much as he doesn’t want to admit it) would sit around and eat breakfast before school and watch that show. Fresh Prince was just the opposite, we would watch that as soon as we got home from school and when homework started. Both shows provided powerful moments, funny moments, and even a star or two. Thank you for shaping my childhood!

3. The League – As an avid fan of fantasy football, this show hits home in the best possible way. The show follows a group of friends through their lives as well as their League, which is a Fantasy Football league made up of them and some other people you never see. With cultural slang (eskimo brother, sorbet patting) and appearances by real football players (Antonio Gates is still awesome) and real actors (Jeff Goldbloom is hilarious) this show has successfully converted itself from a “must watch” to a “rewatchable” show for me.

2. How I Met Your Mother – Perhaps the best traditional sitcom still on the air today, this show follows a group of characters through flashbacks told to the main character Ted’s kids by Ted in the future…get all that? So the premise is that Ted is telling his kids the story of how Ted finally, through all these girls and trials and tribulations, finally found his wife and the kid’s mother. Now the show has been on for like seven years and we still don’t know who the damn mom is, so its probably shit or get off the pot time with this show, but in the mean time it has been a wonderfully funny seven years. Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris) certainly steals the show, but the ‘real’ moments with Robin are awfully powerful and  the relationship between Marshall and Lilly is perhaps the strongest relationship on television. The story telling of the show is one of its strong points and it does a brilliant job. Now, if only Ted would stop being such a dork and find a girl already…

1. Seinfeld – Well, this should come as no surprise. Perhaps the best sitcom of all time, Seinfeld is a show that can still be seen about 25 times a day on 14 different channels (those numbers are made up, but probably pretty accurate). The show follows for friends in what should be their mundane lives as they live in New York. But these four friends happen to be some of the worst people ever, finding things to complain about over and over. Cultural significance of this show is so great, some times people who have never seen the show utter lines or labels from the show. Things like “no soup for you” , the contest, “man hands” or calling Wayne Knight “Newman” no matter what he is in are a few examples. Hell, we call my uncle John George Costanza all the time for his similarities. Seinfeld also has one of the highest rewatchablility ratings for any show I have ever seen. 76 million people watched the finale, which meant that without TiVo or online downloads, 58% of the people watching TV that night were watching this little sitcom.  Well done Seinfeld. Well done.

This is a billboard right out side my apartment. Not only does it show the popularity Seinfeld still has, but it also has an Aids Walk banner right in front of Kramer…If you have seen the show, you will get the joke.

What are your favorite Sitcoms? Write up a list and leave it in the comments!