7 Terms From Star Wars That Don’t Mean What You Think They Mean!

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Despite all the humans, English language, and proper British accents, it’s important to remember that the Star Wars universe isn’t our own. Things are different there – they have landspeeders, they order around protocol droids, and their language – although sounding similar – has words that we think we know, but really have no clue. These are 7 terms from Star Wars that don’t mean what you think they mean.

7. “Sith” is a species.

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The Sith are the bad-guy Force people. Everyone knows that! They’re the anti-Jedi, lightning shooting, Darth-named weirdos who refuse to use anything other than red in their lightsabers. Except…well, they didn’t start off as “the group of Dark Side Force-guys.” They started off as a species unto themselves.

Basically, they were red-skinned humanoids with gross face-tentacles from the planet Korriban. They had a predisposition towards the Dark Side of the Force, but that wasn’t what defined them. That happened once a group of human Dark Jedi happened upon the species and interbred with them for a couple thousand years. Eventually, the Sith species was pretty much bred out of existence, and Sith became synonymous with the evil, cloak-wearing dudes we know them as today.

Although, it probably would’ve been smart to try using any lightsaber color other than red if they wanted to not give away their allegiances immediately.

6. “Blue Milk” is bantha milk.

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Remember that gross blue milk Luke drinks on Tatooine? Well it gets even grosser – that milk is actually bantha milk, a.k.a. those huge, hairy, horned buffaloes the sand people are always riding on. Yes, someone actually squeezes udders (presumably under the bantha) and some disgusting blue milk shoots out and into a bucket. Since it seems SUBSTANTIALLY more dangerous to milk an elephant-sized bantha than your average cow, one would imagine blue milk would be more of an expensive or rare commodity than Luke treats it. Then again, we don’t know if pasteurization exists in the Star Wars universe, so maybe Luke just knew that blue milk swimming with bacteria wasn’t worth getting stomped on.

5. “Death Stick” is a hallucinogen

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If you’ll recall, “Death Sticks” were introduced in Attack of the Clones, when a Death Stick-guy offered a Death Stick to Obi-Wan – who, for whatever reason, declined the Death Stick. Reminder: in this universe, there is a product that people consciously use that is called “DEATH STICK.” Regardless, you would probably assume they were preachy Star Wars stand-ins for cigarettes, since – ya know – “death stick” is literally a slang term for cigarettes. But you’d be wrong.

Death sticks are actually hallucinogens. And not just any hallucinogens! These hallucinogens actually reduce your lifespan every time you use one – shortening your life more and more with each successive stick of death. Even more weirdly, the death sticks natural state was a liquid that could be added to alcohol or injected straight into your veins. And even double-weirdly, they inhibited your connection with the Force.

So: reduces your lifespan, cuts you off from the Force, and is literally named “DEATH STICKS.” Cigarettes don’t look so bad now, do they MOM?

4. “Spice” is a variety of drugs.

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We don’t know much about Han Solo’s smuggling career from the information provided in the films – we know he smuggles things, and that those things are probably illegal, and that a big desert slug is none too happy with his smuggling prowess, and that he would never ever be the first one to shoot another over a dispute involving smuggling. That’s where the Expanded Universe of books, comics, and videogames comes in handy – filling in literally every possible corner of the Star Wars galaxy (remember that droid that Uncle Owen was gonna buy but it broke down? That was Skippy the Jedi Droid!). It turns out Han Solo was a big-time spice smuggler – but not the spice of making food taste better. Nope, it’s similar to the sci-fi mind-expanding narcotic from the Dune series. That’s right – spice is drugs. Which makes Han Solo a drug smuggler.

The variety of specific spice drugs runs the gamut from Giggledust (which makes everything seem funny) to Thruster Head (which caused extreme hallucinations). Han tended to smuggle the dirtier stuff for the Hutts, because he’s a vaguely-menacing rogue who does whatever he needs to in order to survive and not a hyper-moral prince valiant who only shoots in self-defense.

3. “Wyrwulf” is a baby alien.

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When you hear the term “wyrwulf,” odds are you think it’s the Star Wars equivalent of a werewolf (but spelled differently because they just haaave to be different). Except, it’s totally not that. Nope, wyrwulves are six-legged wolves that are actually just baby aliens. See, once they reach puberty, they turn into a cocoon and emerge as a four-armed humanoid alien of the Codru-Ji species (that have almost no canine features, it should probably be noted because what the hell?). This all means that a fully-grown Codru-Ji’s kid looks an awful lot like it’s just the family dog. A reminder to Codru-Ji parents out there: don’t confuse your dog with your child, unless you’re cool with accidentally neutering Junior.

2. “Jizz” is a type of music.

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Yes. “Jizz” is a genre of music in the Star Wars universe. Those who play Jizz are known as “Jizz-wailers.” This is all real. Figran D’an and the Modal Nodes (the weird testicle-headed cantina band from A New Hope that has a name and it’s Figran D’an and the Modal Nodes) play Jizz. The “doo doo doo da doo doo doo” cantina music is Jizz.

The term first appeared in the novelization of Return of the Jedi, written by James Khan, who must have had a nice laugh to himself by adding the term “jizz” into Star Wars canon as a predominant genre of music. George Lucas probably wouldn’t have allowed this if he were paying attention at all, but he was pretty busy stroking his tiny beard and salivating as Ewok toy sales that year.

1. “Heyblibber” is a word that exists.

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It’s a type of Gungan underwater transport ship, instead of what it should mean: nothing, because ‘heyblibber’ is too dumb of a word to be real.

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Top 5 Romances/Couples/Relationships in Sci-Fi!

About a week ago, I was asked by my friend Andrea (who runs things over at deflectordish.com) to come up with a top 5 list of sci-fi romances. I had some questions for her and decided to come up with just really memorable relationships in sci-fi, whether they be romantic or not. Although most are. Anyway, you can find Andrea’s list that she has provided on her site here! Be sure to check it out.

Here is mine:

5. Rose and Ten: These two perhaps never were romantic on screen. But man did they love one another. Their love was so strong that Rose tried to come back through the time rift to find the Doctor. But their love started the way all love stories start…an alien who looks like a human comes to Earth in a blue police box that is bigger on the inside and whisks a girl away and shows her the world. Rose is the skeptical girl who wants to believe there is so much out there, but has been let down so many times that she just no longer believes it. It is almost like Aladdin or something. Jasmine (Rose is not a princess, but forgive that) is jaded and along comes this dude who can fly her around the world.,.instant love. We get to know this alien, known as the Doctor, more and more and then one day, poof, he dies. But then, he comes back and is different and is hansom and funny and quirky and vengeful and all these things and Rose just falls for him. Now, that is nothing new. A lot of companions fall for the Doctor. But what makes this so special is that the Doctor fell for Rose! The problem is, when he finally realized his feelings, he was just a little too late and…well, she was gone. And the Doctor, as tragic as he is, had to move on and keep living without her.

Memorable moments: riding around on that scooter in the pink skirt, that last scene where he almost gets to say “I love you”

4. Wash and Zoe (Firefly): These two are far more silly. A perfect example of the Olive theory…two completely opposite people complimenting one another perfectly. Zoe is a battle hardened soldier, a veteran of the war, and a no non-sense type of officer. Her husband, Wash, is a clowning, laid back pilot who got the job mostly because no one else was available at the time. But he did have a long list of references. The two grew to love one another and were eventually married. They were the ‘classic’ love on the ship Serenity in Joss Whedon’s show Firefly. The two of them were brilliant together and fun to watch. The episode Wash question’s Zoe’s love for him over that of her Captain’s is still one of the best episodes that show had to offer. Zoe, of course, chose Wash in the end.

Memorable moments: the scene they first meet, Wash’s tragic death

3. Jim Raynor and Sarah Kerrigan (Starcraft): These two! With a love this complicated, and quite frankly, truly epic, how were they ever going to miss the list? A love that spans years and planets with bloodshed and war, somehow these two met up and fell in love. But that, my friends is just the start. Kerrigan was a ghost, a special forces agent who would go into hostile territory to scout and, if need be, nuke a planet. Raynor was a rebel, someone who was content minding his own. But then the war happened. And the Terran (human) race had to band together under the rule of Arcturus Mengsk. Mengsk betrayed Kerrigan, leaving her to die in a swarm of Zerg, an evil alien race. Joke was on him however, as his betrayal forced Raynor to leave the Terran dominion to find Kerrigan, who was now a human/zerg hybrid. Following with me so far?

Kerrigan goes on a rampage of revenge, doing all she can to destroy her enemies, chief among them, Mengsk. Her rage burns so hot that she basically kills off any rivals to her own army and then starts unleashing war on anyone in her way. Raynor tries to get through to her, and eventually, does find her. The thing is, despite the way she looks and the things she has done, Raynor still loves her. He loves her with all his heart and Kerrigan even loves him back. Which makes the last scene of the most recent game so heart breaking. Kerrigan finally, with the help of Raynor, gets her revenge on Mengsk. And just when you think Raynor and Kerrigan can finally settle down with one another, he looks at her and he knows she has to go. They can’t be together. At least not now, not the way the world is now. And he knows he has to let her go. And they both know they have to keep fighting so they CAN be together. A whole race of the universe will have to be wiped out first so these two can finally be with one another. That, my friends, is literally Epic.

Memorable scene: Kerrigan being overran, Raynor finding Kerrigan, Raynor letting her go.

(Nerdy tie in: The voice of Kerrigan is that of Tricia Helfer who plays Caprica 6 on Battlestar Galactica. Caprica 6 is on Andrea’s list making her the only person to have two different characters on our lists.)

2. Han Solo and Princess Leia (Star Wars): You know the only thing I have to bring up is this simple but powerful exchange:

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Wow. Be still my heart. Han the hansome rouge and Leia the warrior princess…these two had no business being together at all. But fate, or random events and choices, however you look at the world, brought them together. And, well, the rest is history. We all know this story, so just watch this and know that I am right on this one:

Memorable scenes: “Who’s scruffy looking?”, “Hold me.”

1. Admiral William Adama and President Laura Roslin: The slowest building relationship out of all of these, these two had to wait and wait and wait until they could not only admit their feelings, but until they would ALLOW themselves to feel these feelings. Adama was in charge of the safety of the fleet and every human left in existence  The President was in charge of making sure the human way of life was some what preserved and that we didn’t fall victim to killing ourselves. Those two tasks, given the fact that humans were continuously being chased down by robots trying to kill them, seemed like they would take up about 100% of your waking hours. But as there was starting to be some light at the end of the tunnel, these two relaxed a little bit and started to grow into one another. They even talked about finally finding Earth and building a small cabin together where they could live out their days. When Roslin was diagnosed with a terminal form of cancer, it was Adama who came down to read to her. And it was Adama who waited for her in a raptor by himself with no guarantee she would ever show up. These two were so damn heart warming and heart wrenching. Two people that started off as adversaries jockeying for control of the last remaining humans, figuring out the strengths and weaknesses of one another, then starting to grow together and finally starting to love one another. It was a beautiful thing to watch unfold on screen. Finally, as Roslin passes away, we see Adama content in life and start work on his cabin he promised her. Ugh, my heart.

Memorable moments: These two dancing at colonial day, Adama waiting in the raptor, Adama introducing Roslin to a thunderous applause.

Remember, your trip through space relationships is not done yet! Punch it over to the deflector dish to see more love among the stars!

8 Dark Theories About Children’s Movies and TV Shows!

by Will Stephen on April 23, 2013, Collegehumor.com

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1. Willy Wonka is a cannibalistic murderer.

 

Granted: Wonka is a total creep, if not a psychopath. But some on the internet think that in the world of Wonka’s chocolate factory, a secret candy recipe + shockingly easy child injury and possible death (i.e. the Augustus Gloop-sucking tube) = kid-candy. Wouldn’t that make it taste a bit funky? Thick? Stringy? Regardless, the argument loses some credibility around the point this FanTheories Wiki editor says he’s “not trying to be racist here [about Oompa Loompas], but cannibalism in Africa isn’t the rarest of things.” Sounds to me like he’s just using his pure, bigoted imagination.

 

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2. Totoro is the God of Death.

 

Hayao Miyazaki is known for his beautiful, sprawling animated films that wrestle with some pretty hefty topics. And in kids movies that deal with spirit worlds and what not, it makes sense that the idea of mortality might lurk somewhere in the background. But HOLY SHIT, THE GOD OFDEATH?! The idea here is that when Mei goes missing, she actually drowns. And since Totoro helps Satsuki find Mei, he is thus a gatekeeper to the realm of the dead. Therefore anyone who can see him is actually on the verge of receiving his wrath. But… they also find Mei at the end. And everything’s OK. AND Totoro then makes a tree grow really big really fast. Last time I checked, trees tend to be a pretty common symbol of life. Which makes him a pretty terribleGOD OF DEATH. Look, not everything has to be a reflection of our universal fear of mortality. So can we all just cool it? Let us ENJOY the goddamn movie. And go to therapy.

 

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3. Toy Story 3 is about the Holocaust.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I cried like a baby in this movie. I wanted everything to be OK just like everyone else in the theater. The film’s got stakes! Pretty high stakes at that. And yes, the film’s parallels with the Holocaust are eerie to say the least. The toys are all gathered up and taken away, they hide in an attic, they face possible death in a furnace, they are saved after finding a new homeland, etc., etc. These are all images that conjure up intense, horrific historical memories for a lot of people. But it is hard to imagine the Toy Story team at Pixar gathered around a table, firmly deciding that the third movie in this trilogy of films for children — not the first, not the second — would be the appropriate time to finally tackle one of the most horrible genocides in history. Plus the movie has a happy ending. And spoiler alert: the Holocaust didn’t.

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4. Chewbacca and R2D2 were traitors.

 

I kind of wanted to include this as a treat to myself, just to imagine the spike in blood pressure from nerds once again seeing Star Wars labeled as a kids movie. Which it is. Am I kidding? Do you have toys? I digress. Some dopes out there find it hard to accept that maybe some stories are just… pretty straightforward. In their mind, R2D2 is a spy who avoids getting his memory deleted and purposefully manipulates everyone around him to avoid getting captured and help the Rebels. He often does so by communicating with “fellow super spy” Chewbacca, who uses stupid ol’ Han Solo, a mere puppet of a pilot, to do his every nefarious bidding. Let’s slow down for a second. Star Wars is pretty much the oldest tale in the book, a prototypical hero’s journey. There are good guys and there are bad guys. There are some twists and turns, of course, but this is not Dostoevsky. Chewy is a big furry thing, R2D2 is a little beepy thing. They do stuff, kids enjoy them, shut up.

 

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5. Spongebob and his friends are all mutants.

 

Homie lives in a pineapple under the sea. Shit is weird to begin with. So I could see an argument like this actually working for me. The characters are certainly lovable oddballs at the very least. And this theory interprets their weirdness as a literal, biological phenomenon (i.e. Bikini Bottom stands in for Bikini Atoll, a real nuclear testing site which would have caused genetic mutations in surrounding wildlife). But “truthnotes” loses me right around when he posits that “the residents of bikini bottom [sic] are retarded son of a bitch fish.” They might all be weirdo sealife rejects, yes, but I’m not so sure the Krusty Krab actually serves hamburgers because they “rip of [sic] people genitalia [sic], fry it, put some cheese on it and eat it.” But maybe that’s just me.

 

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6. Donald Duck suffers from PTSD.

 

This theory imagines a world in which Donald Duck’s erratic behavior (nightmares, temper tantrums, etc.) is a result of trauma experienced during the Duck’s military service. Now, it is important to note that it is indeed within canon that Donald Duck served as a paratrooper and commando in World War II. It is also important to note that Donald Duck is a fucking cartoon character. Those crazy things he does? The “difficulty falling or staying asleep” and what not? Yeah, that’s supposed to make kids laugh. Are they supposed to sit there and watch him go through a couple REM cycles for a good eight hours? Plus, the logic behind his “persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with [wartime] trauma” is literally “I’ve never heard him discuss these events in any other cartoon.” You’ve also never seen him take a shit. What a load of phooey.

 

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7. The Rugrats are just a figment of Angelica’s tortured imagination.

 

Goddamn, these people must think every Nickelodeon writers room was run by Franz Kafka. Apparently because Angelica has no real, meaningful connection with family or loved ones, she constructs younger, (literally) infantile playmates to belittle as an outlet for her rage. Thus, the babies are all actually dead or made up: Tommy died soon after childbirth, Chuckie died in the car crash which killed his mom, and Phil and Lil are Angelica’s bizarre imaginary reaction to the news of the their mother having a stillborn baby. Oof. Look. There are works of art that really do wrestle with this type of disturbing existential unrest, and then there are cartoons whose main character is a baby in a diaper named Tommy Pickles. And come on, is it not enough for you that there was an ACTUAL episode of this show which ended with Chuckie and his father literallyUNZIPPING THEIR SKIN, REVEALING THEMSELVES TO BE ALIENS, THEN TAKING OFF IN ASPACESHIP AND FLYING BACK TO THEIR HOME PLANET?? A MOMENT THAT WAS NEVERADDRESSED AGAIN?! Get your priorities straight, numbskulls. The Rugrats universe has bigger fish to fry.

 

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8. Wall-E killed everyone on Planet Earth.

 

Yes. Our friend Wall-E, the adorable little robot with a conscience, went rogue, killed his friends, and slowly cannibalized everything around him for seven hundred years. Makes total sense. He had to do it to find love. At least he wasn’t a wimp like that guy in UP.

Cloned Photos!

Guys, this isn’t a photo album about clones like Dolly the sheep…it is a picture roll about famous pictures being recreated with Clone Troopers from Star Wars! Some of them are awesome, like Iwa Jima, Abby Road, Big Foot, and well, just all of them! Here are some amazing examples! You can find the full site here and see even more!

Star Wars: In One Minute!

 

Top 5 Swords Used in Literature or Movies!

Today’s Top 5 list is Swords used in literature or movies! There are ton of weapons out there used in hand to hand combat, especially in the fantasy world, and some even have names. Today, we honor those weapons that our heroes or villains use to uphold justice or destroy lives with. If you have a favorite character from any fantasy series (Aragorn, Gandolf, Eddard Stark, Eragon, Rand, Cloud Strife) chances are they have a weapon that also has a name. There are real life examples of swords becoming famous as well. William Wallace’s sword can still be seen in Scotland. There is a sword called The Sword of Mercy that is symbolically broken (Link here) that British Monarchs are still coronated with. United States Marine Corps officers are still given a sword:

“The oldest weapons still in service in the United States Armed Forces belong to Marines. Today, the swords Marines carry represent the Marine Corps’ rich heritage as America’s original defenders. Officers carry the Mameluke Sword, which was originally given to Lieutenant Presley O’Bannon in 1805 by a Mameluke chieftain in North Africa. Lt O’Bannon and his Marines marched across 600 miles of North African desert to rid the “shores of Tripoli” of pirates and rescue the kidnapped crew of the USS Philadelphia. By 1825, all Marine Officers carried the Mameluke sword in recognition of this historic battle—the Marine Corps’ first on foreign soil.”

-From The Marine Corps Heritage

So anyway, Swords are used for many things in fantasy. They are used to cleave peoples limbs and heads off, they are used for defense, they are used for symbolism. What are you favorite swords?

Here is my top 5 list of swords:

5. Hattori Hanzo sword – Uma Thurman kicked some MAJOR ASS in the two Kill Bill movies. She did it with the help of a man who swore to never make a sword again though, Hattori Hanzo. She convinced him that she would kill Bill with it, and he made her one all her own. After the Bride received the sword, there was nothing left in her wake but blood, guts and about 88 of the Crazy 88’s lying dead. The sword got her all the way to Bill, but she doesn’t actually even use it to Kill Bill. Doesn’t even matter, it is a bad ass sword.

4. Sting – A dagger to the “tall folk”, Sting was the sword found and used by Bilbo and later given to Frodo to use in his quest. It was an Elven sword that Bilbo found with 2 others, Glamdring (The sword used by Gandolf) and Orcrist (Sword used by Thorin Oakenshield). Sting was enchanted to glow blue when Orcs were around, which is super helpful when Orcs are out to kill you. Bilbo named the sword after fighting off some spiders in Mirkwood after the spiders called it “Bilbo’s Sting”. The sword survived two rather large quests and protected two rather curious creatures while doing so. For that reason, it makes the list.

3. Longclaw – Oh Jon Snow. Long Claw belongs to Lord Jon Snow and was given to him by Lord Jeor Mormont. It was passed down from Mormont to Mormont (symbolism) but Jorah clearly wasn’t worthy since, well, he sold slaves. So the Old Bear decided Jon was as much of a son as he will ever have and passed down the Valyrian steel blade to Jon. Since the pommel burnt in the fire that Jon caused saving Jeor’s life, he had it remade in the form of a white dire wolf. Jon then said wolves have claws just like bears, and kept the name of the sword to honor the Old Bear.

2. Anduril – Really brief history: The sword was called Narsil when it was used by Elendil and then it broke. His son, Isildur used it to cut the One Ring from the hand of the evil lord Sauran (and seriously, how did that even happen!?). The shards were returned to Rivendell after Isildur’s death. There, they waited until they could be reforged for Aragorn into Anduril, which means Flame of the West, and used throughout as a symbol of hope against the evil powers. Aragorn uses the sword to establish his credentials, as well as slay many Orcs and protect his little hobbit friends. A sword with so much history that ultimately helps end Sauran’s rule twice is a sword worthy of making anyone’s list!

1. Darth Vader’s Lightsaber – Ok, it doesn’t have a cool name, but the sword itself is steeped in history and symbolism. It certainly isn’t as a clumsy or as random as a blaster, but instead is graceful and elegant. The fact that it’s wielded by one of the most terrifying and oppressive figures in the galaxy makes it even cooler. And, oh yea, the color is blood red! We see a ton of green, blue and even purple light sabers in the Star Wars saga, but only bad guys (at least in the movies) carry red sabers, and Vader is the baddest of them all. Or is he? Isn’t he redeemed at the end? Doesn’t he choose to help Luke after Luke cuts his hand off, the one holding his evil colored lightsaber? Maybe the sword makes the person, not the other way around, just saying…

Honorable mention: Cloud’s Buster sword, Ice, William Wallace’s sword, Excalibur.