Westros (And Essos) As the USA!

Understanding Game of Thrones as an American

 

Kings Landing = Washington, DC

It’s the capitol, it’s full of corrupt people vying for titles, and it’s built on the backs of the poor. Everyone is vying for the Iron Throne and it’s hard to figure out who to root for.

 

Winterfell = Boston, MA

Beautiful in the summer and uninhabitable in the winter. The inhabitants incorrectly think their city is the center of the empire. It is, however, the only real city in its region. (Providence? Really?) The people there are honorable and resilient, and spend much of their time watching sports. Not many black people.

 

The King’s Road = I-95

A highly trafficked route from Winterfell to King’s Landing, the road is littered with inns and merchants. There are also many bandits who live alongside it in dangerous places like New Haven, Newark, and Baltimore.

 

Beyond the Wall = Canada

It’s cold, it’s vast, and it’s terrifying. But the wildlings are a good people once you get to know them. Also it’s governed by a monarch far away who doesn’t actually hold any real power in the people’s minds.

 

Castle Black = Canadian Border Crossing

This is all that separates us from the unknown terror of the great white north. Also it’s manned by a bunch of humorless guys that don’t get laid.

 

The Iron Islands = Pittsburgh, PA

Cold, wet, gray, and nicknamed for metal, this is a place that was once prominent but is now full of working class people and pirates. And the pirates have been horrible for many years.

 

Casterly Rock = New York City

The regional capital (and the financial center of the Empire), it used to be ruled by a different group – until they were tricked into trusting a foreigner. Now it’s ruled by rich people who think they’re better parents than they are.

 

Lannisport = Greenwich, CT

Situated close to the main city, but far enough away that the citizens don’t need to be bothered. Also, it’s full of money and incest.

 

Harrenhal = Chicago, IL

It’s rich, and it’s on the way to most things. But the governing of it seems to be cursed as no one can rule it for long. And it burnt down once.

 

Valyria = Detroit, MI

Due to its fearsome beasts with great abilities to travel, this was once the center of the world and a shining jewel of civilization. But then a cataclysmic event rendered it a smoldering ruin of its former glory. The only thing that endures is a bit of their ancient music. And the secrets of manufacturing things there have long been forgotten.

 

Dorn = Napa Valley, CA

Remote area known for women, wine, and boringness.

 

The Dreadfort = North Dakota

A stronghold of the north but nowhere near as important as the center of the region. And unless you’re from here, living here is torture.

 

Qarth = Savannah, GA

A wealthy port city, the inhabitants think that it’s the greatest city that ever was or will be, and yet no one outside the city cares. Filled with many rich creepy people.

 

The Twins = West Virginia

A location that would be pointless were it not a river crossing en route to other, better places. It’s filled with homely women with the occasional hot one sprinkled in. Also, weddings here can get out of hand.

 

Lys = Atlantic City, NJ

There are two main characteristics: it’s surrounded by rough sea, and it’s known far and wide for its pleasure houses.

 

High Garden = Berkeley, CA

In the far reaches of the realm, it is known as a flowery place with lax sexual attitudes. Also a garden of high.

 

Volantis = Santa Barbara, CA

A rich, old coastal village where the slaves aren’t allowed to ever touch the nobility.

 

Storm’s End = San Francisco, CA

A coastal city with a mighty fortress on the Bay. And it’s gay friendly.

 

Yunkai = Reno, NV

A desert town that is known for its sex slaves and incompetent defenses.

 

Dothrak = Texas

Incorrectly thinks it’s an independent country just because everyone there has weapons. Meanwhile most people who live in the capitol are unaware that this is a place.

 

Vaes Dothrak = Austin, TX

The cultural center of a vast wasteland, where the barbaric activities of the surrounding areas are banned within city walls. Full of people who struck out on their own because they hate their parents.

 

Red Waste = West Texas

Yup.

 

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Top 5 Fictional Characters That Could Make Awesome Presidents!

With the election coming up, I figured it would be a fun exorcise to throw out some fictitious candidates from all over different mediums and see who you guys think would make a good president. Here are 5 candidates to mull over:

1. Tyrion Lannister – He might be a little person, but this guy has wit and brain power. He comes from a wealthy, famous family. He is able to handle money and could probably solve the debt crisis among other things. He might not be the best public speaker or handler of people, but he is exceptional in budgeting as well as military strategy. He is also not above asking for help and deferring to other, more knowledgeable, people. His running mate would be Bronn, who would serve as VP and be involved in the formation of a military.

Tyrion and Bronn

2. Tony Soprano – Now you might think that Tony Soprano would fail as a president because of his track record, but this guy can run an organization. He understands management practices and how to maintain and nurture connections. He ultimately just wants to do good business and put his family in the best possible position to succeed. Perhaps his background is a little shady, but he always seems to make the right choices…at least for his organization…which in this case would be the USA. Silvio Dante would be his running mate, who can keep Tony’s anger in check and also provide wise, outside the box council and take care of anyone that doesn’t agree with the new regime.

Tony and Silvio

3. Splinter – Sure he was born in Japan, but it was on a military base (or at least I am going to assume so for this argument). Splinter is wise, caring, calm and a wonderful father figure, which is just what this country needs. He would be an immediate calming influence in the political world, someone who doesn’t jump to conclusions and can hear out both sides of an argument before passing judgement. If he raised 4 mutant teenagers in the sewers of New York City, how hard could dealing with some old men sniveling over a gun law be for Splinter? Donatello would run beside his sensei and be a problem solver and spearhead a revolution in the way we view and use technology.

Donatello and Splinter

4. Gandalf – This dude has literally seen it all before. A war hero, he comes highly recommended for the job. He has declined being a leader many times, citing that he doesn’t want the spotlight, but this time he was finally talked into taking control. A man who is wise but still powerful, Gandalf would lead peace talks all over the world, and other countries will listen. He is also going to seek out all possible race relations, including those with elves and dwarves. But anyone that tries to spread darkness in the world, look out. Gandalf will end it swiftly and violently. Aragorn would be his VP. Many of you might think Aragorn would be the better figure head, but Aragorn is content with being with his family and helping behind the scenes instead of up on the podium.

Aragorn and Gandalf

5. Jack Shepard – A medical mind and natural leader, this candidate is looking to further our sciences. When he speaks, people tend to listen. He is an attractive man but tends to shy away from that to put the betterment of the group ahead of personal satisfaction. He does his best with the information presented to him and makes informed choices. He surrounds himself with experts that he has spirited debates with, but also listens to. Perhaps a little stubborn at times, but also quick to apologize. Schooling is important to him and kids will be educated far better than they are now. There will be medical advances taking place as well as other sciences. John Locke, some would say Jack’s polar opposite, will help bring balance to Jack’s campaign and hopefully win the faith based vote for him. It remains to be seen if Jack and John can coexist.

Shephard and Locke

Other candidates to consider:

Andy Dufrane/Red – Help organize our budgets as well as cut down on the imprisoned.

Greg House/Cuddy – Truly objective look at the issues in the oval office and someone that would never cater to a political party.

President Roselyn/Admiral Adama – They steered the last remaining humans to safety from the evil Cylons. I don’t see why they couldn’t do it again.

Professor Charles Xavier/Beast – Think of what they could do for human/mutant relations!

Palpatine/Darth Vader – Sure they failed to stop some terrorists from blowing up a huge building with small, flying ships that ended thousands of lives…but hey, they deserve a second chance right? Oh…wait…

So what do you think? Who would you vote for? Any other candidates you want to throw into the mix?