8 Fictional Girls You Were Supposed To Like But Who Actually Suck!

Most movies are about a guy who is love with a girl, but some movies do a truly terrible job making the girls that the guy loves seem at all appealing. Here are some girls we’re supposed to love who are actually terrible:

1. Kelly Kapowski in “Saved by the Bell,” Played by Tiffani Amber Thiessen

Zack Morris’ love for Kelly Kapowski was one of the driving forces of the entire series, and it never made any goddamn sense. Her character is a prime example of someone we were just supposed to be on board with loving for many years entirely because she was pretty. Prettiness can maybe buy you a year of believable infatuation, but beyond that, you really need some kind of personality. And Kelly didn’t have one of those. She was just a generic popular girl who never even laughed at Zack’s antics. Jessie Spano, on the other hand, now there’s a girl to get excited about.

 

2. Jenny in “Forrest Gump,” Played by Robin Wright

Jenny is supposed to be a fickle, uneven character that embodies the social change happening in Forrest’s lifetime. Ok. But that doesn’t mean she’s forgiven for always stringing him along and ditching him, then keeping his child a secret until she’s dying. That’s not the kind of girl you want your main character to end up with. Also, you know, that whole bit about the questionable ethics of making sexual advances towards a mentally impaired man. We can all agree that that’s pretty messed up, right?

 

3. Rita in “Groundhog Day,” Played by Andie MacDowell

Billy Murray spends lifetimes reliving the same day in this movie, and, by the end he’s learned compassion and the ability to appreciate life and those around him. That’s all very good, but, this otherwise perfect movie has one big flaw: Andie MacDowell. The pursuit of Andie MacDowell becomes the focus around which Bill Murray improves himself, which makes it really annoying that her character sucks so much. Her personality is gratingly ernest and dull—she always toasts to “world peace,” ugh—and she’s completely won over by cheesy bullshit, like ordering the same gross cocktail and that whole thing with the ice sculpture of her face, which any normal person would find creepy. There’s no way a man who has experienced near infinite days would be satisfied by someone so bland. Then again, there’s probably no way he could possibly live a satisfying life once the passage of time started up again. This kind of thing will really fuck you up.

 

4. Ramona Flowers in “Scott Pilgrim,” Played in the movie by Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Every socially awkward guy in the world fucking loves her and every “unique” girl wants to be her. They should stop. Not only is Ramona Flowers not a loveable character; she’s not even a good character. Granted, this world is supposed to be full of flawed, aimless twenty-somethings, but her dysfunction is entirely defined by inconsequential quirkiness like dying her hair and rollerskating, but doesn’t actually have any depth to warrant her flakiness, irresponsibility, and that whole part about forcing a guy she doesn’t even seem that interested in to battle all of her exes. That’s a completely dick move, and Scott Pilgrim is a real wiener for going along with it.
Kim Pine 4 Life.

 

5. Allison Scott in “Knocked Up,” Played by Katherine Heigl

Katherine Heigl is the Andie MacDowell of the 21st century. We’re supposed to be happy for Seth Rogen’s character at the end of the movie because he has this lovely little family and a newfound life purpose. But we can’t be happy because fucking Katherine Heigl is the worst. This is actually a situation where the character probably wouldn’t be so bad in another actress’ hands, but she takes ambition and a no-nonsense attitude and turns it into nagging, fun-killing, don’t-do-drugs-with-Paul-Rudd awfulness. I’m sure that Judd Apatow would agree with me when I say that, if time travel were invented, but the catch was that it could only be used for one purpose in the entire universe, it should be used to recast movies that stupidly cast charmless insufferable actors like Katherine Heigl.

 

6. Amanda Beckett in “Can’t Hardly Wait,” Played by Jennifer Love Hewitt

You might argue that this entire movie is incredibly stupid, and therefore, there’s no point in nitpicking the details. Well, you’re only half right. The movie IS majorly idiotic, but it also has a ton of funny characters and enjoyable plot lines, so it’s worth highlighting the fact that the main plot line, our protagonist’s life-long pursuit of this “amazing” girl, is complete shit because the object of his desire is a total blando. It’s not even possible to criticize her character on a more detailed scale because there is just nothing to her. Half of her screen time is her sulking on a couch. When the movie came out, the producers must have thought that Jennifer Love Hewitt was enough of a star that there didn’t need to be an qualifying characteristics necessary for the audience to love her as much as Ethan Embry did. But that Jennifer-Love-Hewitt-fan-club ship has sailed. If you watch this movie again, just fast-forward to the parts with Seth Green and Claire, from Six Feet Under.

 

7. Brandi (gag) in “Mallrats,” Played by Claire Forlani

You know you’re a shitty character when Shannen Doherty seems more appealing than you do. In fairness to Claire Forlani, Kevin Smith always writes terrible female characters, so it’s not all her fault, but that bad cover-up of a British accent sure didn’t help her seem like a less whiney, obnoxious, unloving jerk. She breaks up with a her boyfriend because he’s upset that she canceled the trip where he was planning to propose, in order to let her dad set her up with other guys. Also, her dad is way too much of a dick to think about marrying into that family. The next Thanksgiving after the events of this movie must have been a shitshow.

 

8. Carrie in “Four Weddings and a Funeral,” Played by Andie Fucking MacDowell

Rule 1: don’t fall in love with any woman who cheats on her fiancé with you.
Rule 2: don’t put Andie MacDowell in movies.

 

from collegehumor.com

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What Does 200 Calories Look Like?

Hey health nuts…do you even know what a calorie is?! Chances are you really have no clue. (it is 4.18400 joules, or the amount of heat it takes to raise water one degree Celsius…that’s all a calorie is…) You probably still just think “gluten” is everything that is bad for too. But in case you were curious about what 200 calories of certain foods look like and you want to be somewhat educated, here you go:

Now go enjoy that celery and peanut butter!

The Red Viper Vs. The Mountain That Rides. A 12 Page Comic

This is some guys adaptation of which will probably be the second coolest scene of next year!

SEQUENTIAL KILLUSTRATIONS

I’ve been kicking around an adaptation of this scene from A Storm Of Swords since I first read it two years ago. At first it was 3 pages then 6. I thought 10 would definitely do it. Well it turns out 12 pages was the ticket. Prince Oberyn Martell, The Red Viper of Dorne is a character who is hard not to like. Very excited to see this bit play out in Season 4 of Game of Thrones. If anyone is interested I have the original art for sale HERE!RV_spoiler_redux_web

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RIP Tony Soprano

James Gandolfini, the actor who portrayed mob boss Tony Soprano, died last week in Italy from a heart attack. The news to me, strangely, was terribly sad. I have certainly never had a reaction like that to someone I have never known or met dying. I have thought about it quite a bit trying to pin point the reason.

While thinking about it, I started re-watching The Sopranos, a show that honestly changed my life. Without out that show, I probably would not be where I am today…literally. During college, I had a lot of doubts about what I wanted to do and if the world of Television was a world I felt like joining and competing in. But when I saw the Sopranos (which wrapped up it’s last season while I was still in college) I knew that this was, indeed, what I wanted to do.

While rewatching the show for probably the 5th time in my life, I quickly discovered a key reason why I was so sad at James Gandolfini’s passing. There is a scene in the first episode where Big Pussy Bonpensiero explains to Christopher, after Christopher whacks a Polish guy named Emil, why the mob kills people and hides the body…it intimidates people without them actually knowing anything. Christopher asks Pussy what to do…and then check out this transcript:

Big Pussy: He disappears. He never comes home. They know, but they don’t know. They hope maybe he will turn up…if…

I think this whole scene all of a sudden creates a whole different meaning to the ending of the show. Remember, the show had a pretty controversial and surprising ending. It just sorta, well, ends. Cut to black. Keep the line that Pussy says in mind when you watch this clip, the last one of the Sopranos:

I always had hoped maybe they could bring this show back in movie form or something. That last episode, telling us not to stop believing over and over while sending us mixed signals. Is Tony dead? Did he die? Were the cameras just turned off and that was the last we got to see into his life?? What happened?!

The show left us in such a weird spot. We, like the people waiting for Emil to come home, know, but we don’t know. We think maybe he will turn up, if…And as long as James Gandolfini was alive, there were always rumors and possibilities. However, now that he is confirmed dead, so is the character of Tony Soprano. And that, is why I am so saddened.

So, rest in peace big guy…enjoy all the gabagool you can up there in the Bing.

If Popular TV Shows Were on Other Networks!

From collegehumor.com

If Popular TV Shows Were on Other Networks

If Popular TV Shows Were on Other Networks

If Popular TV Shows Were on Other Networks

If Popular TV Shows Were on Other Networks

If Popular TV Shows Were on Other Networks

If Popular TV Shows Were on Other Networks